I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris (1997) 3/4

PART 3
Building a new lifestyle

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“Stephen,” the father said gravely, “times will come in life when you realize you’ve made a mistake. At that moment, you have two choices: You can swallow your pride and ‘pull a few nails,’ or you can foolishly continue your course, hoping the problem will go away. Most of the time the problem will only get worse. I’m giving you this tool to remind you of this principle: When you realize you’ve made a mistake, the best thing you can do is tear down the wall and start over.”

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Have the courage to obey now. Obedience today will save you a lot of sorrow and regret tomorrow.

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You’ll need two things as you live our a new attitude toward relationships: wisdom and accountability. Ideally, both of these should come from your parents.

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For Paul, Christian friendship has God’s glory as its goal. It’s not aimless or merely for the sake of a good time. Paul’s primary concern is not that we develop social skills – he wants our friendships to be an expression of a passionate desire for God and His glory.

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Gentlemen, are you the kind of friend to the girls in your life that you will one day hear from their husbands, “Thank you for being a brother to my wife”?

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C. S. Lewis writes, “We picture lovers face to face, but friends side by side; their eyes look ahead.” The key to friendship is a common goal or object on which both companions focus. It can be an athletic pursuit, a hobby, faith, or music, but it’s something outside of them. As soon as the tow people involved focus on the relationship, it has moved beyond friendship.

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What is our relationship to each other? We’re brothers and sisters in Christ.
How do we treat each other? With honor.
And what’s the secret to your zeal? Service – side by side for God’s glory.
Guided by his attitude, being “just friends” can be just plain awesome.

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To break out of this patter of infatuation (constant thoughts about someone who has caught your eye, the heart palpitations whenever that person walks by, the hours of dreaming of a future with that special someone), we must reject the notion that a human relationship can ever completely fulfill us. When we find our hearts slipping into the fantasy world of infatuation, we should pray, “Lord, help me to appreciate this person without elevating him (or her) above You in my heart. Help me to remember that no human can ever take Your place in my life. You are my strength, my hope, my joy, and my ultimate reward. Bring me back to reality, God; ‘give me an undivided heart” (Psalm 86: 11)

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Do you often find yourself focusing on your won sorry state and not relying on God to do His hest for you? If so, then you probably need to take an honest look at your tendency toward self-pity. If you need to, you can defuse self-pity by doing several things.
First, stop basing your happiness on how you compare with other people. Don’t get sucked into the comparison game. Too many people waste their lives pursuing things they don’t really want just because they can’t bear the idea of someone having something they don’t. Ask yourself this question: “Am I really lacking something in my life, or am I just coveting what someone else has?”
Next, when you feel those old feelings of self-pity rising, redirect them into compassion for others. Look around for someone who might share your feelings of loneliness, and find a way to comfort that person. Get your focus off your needs, and help meet someone else’s.
Finally, learn to use feelings of loneliness as an opportunity to draw closer to God.

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Rebekah was able to meet God’s divine appointment for her life because she was faithfully carrying out her current obligations.” Yet though her task was mundane, she had a quickness to her step and ready willingness to serve others. These qualities put her in the right place at the right time with the right attitude when God intended to match her with Isaac.

If we aren’t faithful and growing in the relationships we have now, we won’t be prepared to pursue faithfulness and growth in marriage later.

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Practice seeking God with others.
You might start this process with your family then branch out to pray and study the Bible with safe, non-romantic friends from church. Learn to share with others the lessons God teaches you. Learn to pray with someone else. Be honest about your areas of weakness, and ask God for a trusted person to keep you accountable in those areas.

Source: I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris (1997)