PART 3: Before you say “I do”
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John Stott writes, “Before we can being to see the cross as something done for us (leading us to faith and worship), we have to see it as something done by us (leading us to repentance)…As we face the cross, then, we can say to ourselves both ‘I did it; my sins sent Him there,’ and ‘He did it; His love took Him there.’”
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Self-righteousness is also expressed by the person who refuses to accept God’s forgiveness. “I just can’t forgive myself,” she says. “Maybe God can, but I can’t.” It might appear pious, but statements like these are really a form of reverse pride that says, “My standards are higher than God’s.” Instead of humbly acknowledging that her sin was against God and that only He can wipe it away, she tries to become her own savior. She tries to hear her own punishment, pay penance by wallowing in guilt or doing good deeds, or add to God’s favour through obedience.
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We have nothing to do with the Great Rescue. In fact, the only thing we contribute is the sin that has to be paid for.
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Do you think there are any sins of yours that Jesus didn’t have to die for? The every sin of pride that caused you to destroy your child is what killed Christ as well. It does not matter that you weren’t there two thousand years ago. We all sent him there. Luther said that we carry his very nails in our pockets. So if you have done it before, then why couldn’t you do it again?”
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But Becky, if the cross shows me that I am far worse than I had ever imagined, it also shows me that my evil has been absorbed and forgiven. If the worst thing any human can do is to kill God’s son, and that can be forgiven, then how can anything else – even my abortion – not be forgiven?”
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Proper understanding of the cross.
1) Because of the Cross, you can be absolutely sure of God’s love for you and His complete forgiveness of your past sin.
2) Because of the Cross you can confess your past sin to your partner.
The biggest problem in your life is not whether a particular man or woman accepts you, but whether the God of the universe forgives you. The Cross shows that your biggest problem – God’s wrath – has been taken care of. Confidence and security in God’s love can give you the courage to confess your sin to someone else with the knowledge that God has forgiven you.
Telling me about her past was one of the hardest things Shannon had ever done. But she was able to do it because she knew that God, the person her sin had offended the most, had forgiven her. If I rejected her, she would not have been devastated, because her ultimate security was found in the blood-bought acceptance of her Father in heaven.
3) Because of the Cross, you can forgive the past sin of another person.
- First, you have the opportunity to be a channel of God’s forgiveness. Though it’s easy to see only how their sin affects you, remember that it’s probably twice as hard for him or her to tell you as it is for you to listen. Keep reminding them of feelings, continually point them to the Cross and make sure they’re rooted in an understanding of God’s grace.
- Second, don’t allow what can be an appropriate sense of loss and disappointment at the effects of sin turn into self-righteousness or bitterness toward the other person. You may be a virgin, but you too are a sinner who only be saved by the atoning death of Jesus.
- Third, while you should forgive the man or woman you ‘re in relationship with, you shouldn’t equate forgiveness with an obligation to get married.
- Finally, if you do choose to get married, make sure that you forgive like God does – choose to remember their past sin no more. As humans, we can't do it perfectly like God does, but we can refuse to dwell in the past. When it comes to mind, we can push it away. As Jay Adams says, “Forgiveness is a promise, not a feeling.”
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The pain of the past caused us both to draw closer to the cross of our Savior Jesus. The gospel became more real, more cherished, more powerful than ever before.
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The real questions are: “Are we ready to care for, sacrifice for, and love each other through good times and bad?” and “Do we believe that we could glorify God more as a couple than as individuals?” and “Are we ready for forever?”
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Remember, you’re under no obligation to get married. A successful courtship is one in which two people treat each other with holiness and sincerity and make a wise choice about marriage – whether the choice is yes or no.
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A godly courtship establishes habits and patterns that can continue on until “death do us apart.”
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The Bible tells us that human history will culminate in a wedding (Revelation 19: 7). We, the church, will be Christ’s bride. At that celebration there will be no regret. No tears of sorrow. No man or woman will watch from afar wondering when his or her time will come. That moment will be our time – the time for which we were made. We will each treasure the unique story of the grace that God wrote with our lives. And we’ll see that this is the wedding all other weddings have hinted at. That this Groom is the One our hearts have always longed for.
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God’s was really is best. His timing is perfect. Waiting on Him is more than worth it. Honoring Him and practicing His principles as you walk the path to marriage will lead you to the greatest joy and fulfilment.
Source: Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship – Joshua Harris (2000)
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