I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris (1997) 1/4

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Joshua writes, “every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to live another person as God has loved us.” This sums up the book’s message. Once we embrace this principle, the rest is just details.

PART 1
Isn’t there a better way?
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Relationships with the opposite sex is not about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has lived us. To lay down our desires and do what’s in his or her best interest. To care for him or her even when there’s nothing in it for us. To want that person’s purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her.

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Each person has to examine his or her own life and ask what it means to love others like Christ.

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But when I changed my attitude and made pleasing God and blessing others my first priorities, I found true peace and joy. When I stopped seeing girls as potential girlfriends and started treating them as sisters in Christ, I discovered the incredible potential of serving God as a single. And when I stopped flirting with temptation in one-to-one dating relationships and started pursuing righteousness, I uncovered the peace and power that come from purity. I kissed dating goodbye I found our that God has something better in store!

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Everyone around us may be doing it. But at the end of our lives, we won’t answer to everyone. We’ll answer to God.

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It’s this grace, this mercy, that should motivate us to live differently for the rest of our lives. I’m unworthy sinner that God chose to rescue and forgive. This is love.
And because I’ve experienced it – because Jesus died for me – I’m committed to a love life that’s controlled by Him. I invite you along. In light of the love He’s given us, let’s make purity and blamelessness our priority.

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The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.

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This little principle (The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment) is a practical way to practice the Golden Rule in romance – it’s deciding to do what’s best for others by never asking for intimacy that you're not able to match with commitment.

38-46
Defective Dating
1) Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship.
C. S. Lewis describes friendship as two people waling side by side toward a common goal. Their mutual interest brings them together.
2) Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
3) Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
4) Dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility or preparing for the future.
5) Dating can cause discontentment with God’s gift of singleness.
Although we don't sin when we look forward to marriage, we might be guilty of poor stewardship of our singleness when we allow a desire for something God obvious doesn’t have for us yet to rob our ability to enjoy and appreciate what He has given us.
6) Dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating another person’s character.
Part of the reason dating is fun is that it gives us a break from real life.
The priority shouldn’t be to get away from real life; they need a strong dose of objective reality! They need to see each other in the real-life settings of family and friends.
7) Dating often becomes an end it itself.
Instead of acting as a bridge between friendship and marriage, dating becomes the destination – not ending but not moving on, either.

49 – 53
Five attitudes changes to help you avoid defective dating.
1) Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ’s love.
The world will know we follow Christ by the way we love others. For this reason, we must practice live as God defines it – sincere, servant-hearted and selfless – not the world’s brand of selfish and sensual love based on what feels good.
2) My unmarried years are a gift from God.
3) I don’t need to pursue a romantic relationship before I’m ready for marriage.
4) I cannot “own” someone outside of marriage.
5) I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my body or mind.

55
Many of us walk through life plagued by the question “Has God given me His best?” But the question that we must answer first is “Am I giving God my best?”
You and I will never experience God’s best – in singleness or in marriage – until we give God our all. We’ve held on to old attitudes, foolishly clutching a lifestyle that the world tells us will bring fulfilment. God asks us to hand it all over to Him.

Source: I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris (1997)