Shout To The Lord

My Jesus, my Saviour
Lord there is none like You
All of my days I want to praise
The wonders of Your mighty love

My comfort, my shelter
Tower of refuge and strength
Let every breath, all that I am
Never cease to worship You

Shout to the Lord
All the Earth, let us sing
Power and majesty
Praise to the King
Mountains bow down
And the seas will roar
At the sound of Your name

I sing for joy at the work
Of Your hands
Forever I'll love You
Forever I'll stand
Nothing compares
To the promise I have
In You

Source: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tblpN1IJtZk

Boy Meets Girl – Joshua Harris (2000) 3/3

PART 3: Before you say “I do”

179
John Stott writes, “Before we can being to see the cross as something done for us (leading us to faith and worship), we have to see it as something done by us (leading us to repentance)…As we face the cross, then, we can say to ourselves both ‘I did it; my sins sent Him there,’ and ‘He did it; His love took Him there.’”

181
Self-righteousness is also expressed by the person who refuses to accept God’s forgiveness. “I just can’t forgive myself,” she says. “Maybe God can, but I can’t.” It might appear pious, but statements like these are really a form of reverse pride that says, “My standards are higher than God’s.” Instead of humbly acknowledging that her sin was against God and that only He can wipe it away, she tries to become her own savior. She tries to hear her own punishment, pay penance by wallowing in guilt or doing good deeds, or add to God’s favour through obedience.

182
We have nothing to do with the Great Rescue. In fact, the only thing we contribute is the sin that has to be paid for.

185
Do you think there are any sins of yours that Jesus didn’t have to die for? The every sin of pride that caused you to destroy your child is what killed Christ as well. It does not matter that you weren’t there two thousand years ago. We all sent him there. Luther said that we carry his very nails in our pockets. So if you have done it before, then why couldn’t you do it again?”

185
But Becky, if the cross shows me that I am far worse than I had ever imagined, it also shows me that my evil has been absorbed and forgiven. If the worst thing any human can do is to kill God’s son, and that can be forgiven, then how can anything else – even my abortion – not be forgiven?”

186-193
Proper understanding of the cross.
1) Because of the Cross, you can be absolutely sure of God’s love for you and His complete forgiveness of your past sin.
2) Because of the Cross you can confess your past sin to your partner.
The biggest problem in your life is not whether a particular man or woman accepts you, but whether the God of the universe forgives you. The Cross shows that your biggest problem – God’s wrath – has been taken care of. Confidence and security in God’s love can give you the courage to confess your sin to someone else with the knowledge that God has forgiven you.
Telling me about her past was one of the hardest things Shannon had ever done. But she was able to do it because she knew that God, the person her sin had offended the most, had forgiven her. If I rejected her, she would not have been devastated, because her ultimate security was found in the blood-bought acceptance of her Father in heaven.
3) Because of the Cross, you can forgive the past sin of another person.
- First, you have the opportunity to be a channel of God’s forgiveness. Though it’s easy to see only how their sin affects you, remember that it’s probably twice as hard for him or her to tell you as it is for you to listen. Keep reminding them of feelings, continually point them to the Cross and make sure they’re rooted in an understanding of God’s grace.
- Second, don’t allow what can be an appropriate sense of loss and disappointment at the effects of sin turn into self-righteousness or bitterness toward the other person. You may be a virgin, but you too are a sinner who only be saved by the atoning death of Jesus.
- Third, while you should forgive the man or woman you ‘re in relationship with, you shouldn’t equate forgiveness with an obligation to get married.
- Finally, if you do choose to get married, make sure that you forgive like God does – choose to remember their past sin no more. As humans, we can't do it perfectly like God does, but we can refuse to dwell in the past. When it comes to mind, we can push it away. As Jay Adams says, “Forgiveness is a promise, not a feeling.”

195
The pain of the past caused us both to draw closer to the cross of our Savior Jesus. The gospel became more real, more cherished, more powerful than ever before.

196-197
The real questions are: “Are we ready to care for, sacrifice for, and love each other through good times and bad?” and “Do we believe that we could glorify God more as a couple than as individuals?” and “Are we ready for forever?”

206
Remember, you’re under no obligation to get married. A successful courtship is one in which two people treat each other with holiness and sincerity and make a wise choice about marriage – whether the choice is yes or no.

212
A godly courtship establishes habits and patterns that can continue on until “death do us apart.”

218
The Bible tells us that human history will culminate in a wedding (Revelation 19: 7). We, the church, will be Christ’s bride. At that celebration there will be no regret. No tears of sorrow. No man or woman will watch from afar wondering when his or her time will come. That moment will be our time – the time for which we were made. We will each treasure the unique story of the grace that God wrote with our lives. And we’ll see that this is the wedding all other weddings have hinted at. That this Groom is the One our hearts have always longed for.

220
God’s was really is best. His timing is perfect. Waiting on Him is more than worth it. Honoring Him and practicing His principles as you walk the path to marriage will lead you to the greatest joy and fulfilment.

Source: Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship – Joshua Harris (2000)

Boy Meets Girl – Joshua Harris (2000) 2/3

PART 2: The Season of Courtship

75
I believe that in a God-glorying, wisdom-guided courtship we have two central priorities. The first is to treat each other with holiness and sincerity; the second is o make an informed and wise decision about marriage.

76
Second Corinthians 1: 12 sums up what every Christian couple should be able to say at the end of a courtship:
Now this is our boast: Our conscience testifies that we have conducted ourselves in the world, and especially in our relations with you, in the holiness and sincerity that are from God. We have done so not according to worldly wisdom but according to God’s grace.

78-83
Grow and guard in three areas
1) Friendship
The strategic question to keep in mind is: How can you let each other see the “real you”? Whatever it is you love, whatever it is that captures your imagination, invite the other person into it – ask the other to take you into his or her world too.
The focus of your friendship in its early stages should be on getting to know each other, not on creating premature intimacy and emotional dependence. In the beginning of your courtship, look for activities where the focus is on something besides being a couple. In your conversations and questions, avoid talking about the relationship. Instead, seek to learn about each other.
2) Fellowship
As your relationship unfolds, you want to make sure it has a spiritual foundation. For your relationship to be strong, love for God must be the common passion of your hearts. Courtship is the time tot grow in your ability to share this passion for God and learn to encourage each other in your faith.
You goal is to point each other to Him.
3) Romance
The essence of pure romance is pursuit – a man showing through his words and appropriate actions his care, affections, and sincere love for a woman and the woman responding in kind.
Our guideline for what we do and don’t do during courtship is that we never want our romantic expression to promise more commitment than we would be ready to express in words.

91
Courtship is the time both to look for weak spots in your communication and to work to strengthen them. Our standards shouldn’t be perfection, but consistent growth.

91-99
5 principles for authentic communication
1) Communication problems are usually heart problems.
2) Your ears are your most important communication tools.
When you ask the other person a question, absorb the answer. Note not only the words used, but also how they are spoken. Ask follow-up questions. Care more about their opinions and ideas than your own.
3) Good communication doesn’t happen by accident.
Taking your time in your courtship is wise. But don't assume that a long courtship means that you're communicating well. You have to be intentional about it. Communication doesn’t just happen. It’s something we have to plan for and work at.
We men should assume the responsibility of initiating meaningful communication in our relationships. Don’t plan activities; plan conversations. Before you get together, think about some of the questions you’d like to ask her. What do you want to discover? Be curious!
4) The absence of conflict doesn’t equal good communication.
Our goal shouldn’t be to avoid conflict, but to learn to work through it and resolve it in a way that honors God.
- Give actual and specific examples. If necessary, make notes before you communicate. Stay away from generalities.
- Keep talking and asking questions until you are sure that you both understand clearly what the other is saying and feeling. Encourage each other as you press toward a solution (Romans 14: 19)
5) Motive is more important than technique.
Before we worry about method or technique, we need to make sure the motive of our heart is pleasing to God. He wants our motive to be to sincerely love and serve others – to build up, encourage, and benefit them.

100
Brittany, Kyle realised that until he was ready to propose, he needed to steer away from talking about “the future” as if they would be together then. “It wouldn’t be fair to Brittany for me to say, ‘Oh, wouldn’t it be great if we had a house like that one day,’ or even, ‘Someday in the future we’ll do such and such a thing.’ It makes it hard for her to say focused on where we are right now in the relationship.”

107
Within the context of their equality, God assigned men and women different roles. He made Adam first, signifying his unique role as leader and initiator. He created ever from Adam and brought her to Adam to be his helper in the tasks God had assigned him. She was made to complement, nourish, and help her husband. God’s greatest gift to man was “a helper suitable for him” 9Genesis 2: 18). This doesn’t minimize woman’s role, but it does define it.

109-113
Let’s be men
1) Assume the responsibility of leading and initiating in your relationships with women.
2) Be spiritual leader in your relationships with women.
3) Do little things in your relationships with women that communicate your care, respect, and desire to protect.
4) Encourage women to embrace godly femininity.

114
If a man’s biggest temptation is to be passive, a woman’s biggest temptation is to take control.

119
Being faithful to His plan will require faith, great courage, and the constant awareness that God, not you, is in the central figure of the plot – the story of human history is all about Him.

124
Kerrin and Megan didn’t just invite other people to share their wedding day. Much earlier they had invited them to participate in their love story. The health and success of their courtship and subsequent marriage was integrally linked to the support, love, and strength they received from their church and family. “No man is an island,” John Doanne wrote. The same can be said if a man and woman in love. No couple is an island. A healthy relationship cannot be isolated from the people around it.

129
The truth is the way he is treating you right now is exception – the way he acts around his family is who he really is. This principle also applies to how the other person behaves around friends. If you want a clear picture of each other, you need to make sure you’re building your relationship amidst the reality of community – not just when you're alone in romantic escapades.

139
Why do we need community for a successful courtship?
Because we really do need one another.
We need to be reminded of reality.
We need protection.
We need help to be and do what we believe.

151
There’s another reason the struggle of waiting for marriage is a blessing. God not only wants to maximize a couple’s enjoyment of sex in marriage, He also want them to learn to trust Him together. When a Christian man and woman systematically deny their own physical desires as an expression of mutual faith and submission to Jesus Christ, they are laying a solid spiritual foundation for the marriage. They’re learning to fight sin as a team. They’re learning to care for each other, pray for each other, and challenge each other. In the most practical of ways, they are submitting to Jesus Christ as the Lord of their relationship.

153
“This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down his life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers” (1 John 3: 16) . Before marriage, two friends are not yet lovers can prove their love by laying down their own sexual desires and protecting each other’s purity.

156
I knew the moment I stopped struggling against my sinful nature and started believing the lies of lust, I’d be lost. That’s why I jumped out of bed and cried out to God for grace in my times of weakness. That’s why I was accountable to my roommate, Andrew, and my pastor about my thought life. That’s why, when sexual thoughts about Shannon came, I did my best to turn my focus to thanking God for what our future held and to asking for His help to be patient and strong in the meantime.

160
Whatever guidelines you come up with need to grow out of the clear teaching of Scripture and from sincere conviction so you can follow them with joy.

168
The effort will be more than worth it. Each time you feel as though you’re denying yourselves, you’re actually blessing yourselves. Each time you walk away from temptation and refuse to stoke the fires of passion prematurely, you’re sending yourselves the best gifts you’ll receive on the day of your wedding – gifts of trust and respect and increased passion.

Source: Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship – Joshua Harris (2000)

Boy Meets Girl – Joshua Harris (2000) 1/3

8
It’s a book about courtship, or what I like to call romance with purpose.

PART 1: Rethinking Romance
17
The main point of I Kissed Dating Goodbye was: “If you’re not ready for marriage, wait on romance.”

21
I was overwhelmed by the thought that the God of the universe was willing to be involved in the details of my life – that He’d be willing to reach down and shut a door that He didn’t want me to walk through.
Still crying, I began to thank Him. “I don’t understand, but I thank You,’ I said. “I don’t understand, but I know You are good. I don’t understand but I know You’re taking this away because You have something better.”
That day was a turning point. I stopped trusting in my own carefully laid plans and asked God to show me His.

22
Don’t let impatience get the upper hand. Be her friend, but don’t communicate your interest until you’re ready to start a relationship that has a clear purpose and direction. You don’t want to play with her heart.

26-27
To put it simply, the joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment. Courtship is simply a relationship guided by this principle.
Courtship is a relationship between a man and a woman who are actively and intentionally together to consider marriage. And it draws on principles we’ll look at in coming chapters about how to genuinely love others, the priority of sexual purity, and our need for the wisdom and perspective that comes from community.
The key was that everything we did in your relationship was the very clearly stated purpose of finding our if God would have us marry.

31
The teacher smiles. “Don’t worry about the other students,” he says. “I’ve carefully chosen brushes and paints for each of you. Trust me. You have what you need to complete the assignment. Remember, your goal is not to create a painting that mirrors the person next to you, but to do your best with the materials I’ve given you to replicate my painting.”
This is our assignment in courtship. It’s good to be inspired by couples who have se a godly example. Still, God isn’t asking us to copy each other but to fix our eyes on our Lord and Master Jesus Christ and pursue courtship in a way that’s faithful to His character.

32
So what is courtship? Basically it’s a really good idea…and not as strange as you might first think. It's dating with a purpose. It's romance chaperoned by wisdom. It’s a way of approaching relationships that can help us live out the truths of God’s Word as we pursue our heart’s desire. It’s a story of boy meets girl, where – whether you choose to marry or not – you can get to know each other in the confidence that you have only God’s very best ahead for each of you.

39
He couldn’t just do what felt right; he had to do what was right. Even though it hurt, he knew that the most caring thing he could do for the girl he loved was distracting both of them from serving God and obeying her parents.

40
Wisdom is simply the ownership of insight. It’s the “Oh, I get it!” that means we understand how one thing relates to another…and that we’re willing to change our attitudes and behaviour accordingly.
I like the way Eugene Peterson describes wisdom. He says that it’s “the art of living skilfully in whatever actual conditions we find ourselves.” When we guide romance with wisdom, we have skilful romance – romance that is directed by what is true about God and about the world he has made.

41-46
Three wisdoms in relationships.
1) Romance says, 2I want it now!” Wisdom urges patience.
We can be patient because we know that God is sovereign and that He is faithful. “I wait for you, O LORD; you will answer, O LORD my God” (Psalm 38:15).
2) Romance says, “This is what I want and it’s good for me.” Wisdom leads us to consider what’s best for the other person.
In James 3:17 we’re told, “The wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere.” Add up all these qualities and you see that wisdom in relationships involves a selfless desire to do what’s best for the other person.
- Is staring this relationship now best for him?
- Will expressing all my feelings now serve her?
- Are my actions encouraging him to love God more?
- As I communicating clearly and in a way that helps her?
3) Romance says, “Enjoy the fantasy.” Wisdom calls us to base our emotions and perceptions in reality.

48
The problems we see in relationships today – the impatience, the lack of purpose, and the misguided emotions – are all expressions of foolishness. We need wisdom. Wisdom complements romance. Like the string attached to the kite, wisdom enables romance to really soar.

48
I talk to many couples like Rich and Christy who ask, “How do we know when it’s the right time to start a courtship?” The basic answer to the question is that you’re to start a courtship when you can math romance with wisdom.

53
Anyone can have passionate feelings, but only those who seek God’s purpose and timing can know the true joy of romantic love fulfilled.

55
Do you see the problem? Our mindset is: “God, tell me who, tell me how, tell me when – and then I’ll trust you.” What God wants us to see is that if He did this, our trust wouldn’t be real. We want a definitive answer so we won’t feel vulnerable, weak and dependent on Him. But guess what? We are vulnerable, weak and dependent on Him. And it’s only when we realise our true condition that God can demonstrate His strength and love on our behalf.

63
A key encouragement to him was Philippians 4: 6-7
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your request to God. And the peace of God which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

66-68
1) Remember, God is interested in the journey, not just the destination.
It’s a mistake to view the process of deciding how, when, and with whom we begin a relationship as something to “get through” so we can move on to courtship and marriage. God is in no rush. His interest in all this is not limited to getting us married – He wants to use this process, and all the questions and uncertainties it involves, to refine us, sanctify us, and increase our faith.
2) Don’t overspiritualise decision making.
God knows all things. He knows whom we’ll marry before we meet him or her. But that doesn’t mean our task is to discover what He already knows or to worry that we might miss his perfect plan. Our responsibility is to love him, study His Word, deepen our relationship with Him, and learn to evaluate our choices in light of biblical wisdom. If we're doing these things, we can make our decisions in the confident that we aren’t somehow missing God’s will.
3) Our romanticized ideal of what we want in a spouse if often different from what God says matters.
My favourite part of David and Claire’s story is when Claire began to fall in love with David’s character – not his image or his personality, but his character. At first David didn’t fit her romanticized notion of what mattered in a husband, but then she realised that he was a man she could follow.

Source: Boy Meets Girl: Say Hello To Courtship – Joshua Harris (2000)

Beef with tomato source 茄汁牛肉

Source: By a friend - M

Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) - Joshua Harris (2005) 3/3

PART 3
Strategies for Long-Term Change
133
Alone, isolated, and without accountability, Trina was the perfect target for temptation. Our enemy goes after people who have isolated themselves from other Christians.

136
(Alan Medinger)
An accountability relationship is one in which a Christian gives permission to another believer to look into his life for purposes of questioning, challenging, admonishing, advising, encouraging and otherwise providing input in ways that will help the individual live according to the Christian principles that they both hold.

137-138
Accountability works best when the other person is able to gently challenge you, not just relate to your struggle.
For teenagers it’s ideal that accountability start with your parents.
It is also important that your accountability partner not be a member of the opposite sex.
Finally, it’s helpful for your accountability to have a structure and to be consistent.

140 – 145
Effective accountability relationship
1) Be specific
2) Confess and repent: repentance involves a change of heart and a decision to turn away from a sin. It’s proven over time and involves an ongoing choice to put sin to death.
4) Offer not only sympathy but challenge: we don’t need to be consoled or comforted for our sin; we need to kill it!
5) Follow-up
6) Remember the gospel: It means that we challenge each other in the light of the glorious fact that Jesus has died for the very sins we’re dealing with.

149
“Are you memorizing any Scripture right now that can help you battle this lies of lust?”
Job 31:1 – I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.”
I’d gone into battle without my sword.

152-157
Lies
- Lust is not big deal
Truth: “For lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. It is a devastating fire that destroys to hell. It would wipe out everything I own” (Job 31:11-12, NTL)

A little sin fantasizing won’t hurt
Truth: “Do not be deceived: God is not mocked, for whatever one sows, that will he also reap. For the one who sows his own flesh will from the flesh reap corruption, but the one who sows to the Spirit will from the Spirit reap eternal life” (Galatians 6: 7-8, ESV)

Looking at a few pornographic pictures won’t affect me.
Truth: “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into his lap without his clothes being burned?” (Proverbs 6: 25-27)

Fulfilling lust will satisfy me.
Truth: “I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my portion; therefore I will wait for him.’ The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the LORD” (Lamentations 3: 24-26)

158
Part of sin is dissatisfaction with God. Lust’s power comes from the promise it gives that something besides God can make us happy. What this means is that the only way to overcome the power of lust in our lives is by finding better promises. The key to holiness is satisfaction in God – faith that He is more to be desired than anything this world has to offer. We’re not just turning away from lust; we’re turning toward true satisfaction and joy in God.

162
God’s Word tells us how deep and lasting transformation takes place. It’s not a secret. It’s not even overly complicated.

169
I don’t think we should make overcoming lust as our primary preoccupation – we need to make the gospel and God’s glory our focus. We need to give ourselves to knowing Him, worshiping Him, and meeting with Him every day.

Source: Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World - Joshua Harris (2005)

Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) - Joshua Harris (2005) 2/3

PART 2
In the Thick of the Battle
68
Because of my poor track record, I’ve made it my habit not even turn the TV on in a hotel

72
Don’t allow sin to gain a foothold. Be radical. Don’t go on-line alone late at night or at any time when you’re feeling week.

74-75
Custom-tailored plan for fighting lust.
1) List you own top three lust triggers. How can you avoid them?
Internet (video) – not compromise to my thoughts, go away from PC
TV in hotel – not to turn on TV
Girls around – not to have second look
2) What time of day or week are you most tempted by lust? What can you do to prepare for those times?
At night, alone, weekends – do meaningful things like read books and write letters.
3) Which locations are the most tempting for you? How can you limit your time in those places?
At home – not to turn on PC
4) What five little battles to do you need to be fighting more faithfully? Describe in detail what it looks like for you to fight – and win – these battles.

84-85
How are we different?
- A man’s sexual desire is often more physical, while a woman’s desire is more often rooted in emotional longings.
- A man is generally wired to be the sexual initiator and is stimulated visually; a woman is generally wired to be the sexual responder and is stimulated by touch.
- A man is created to pursue and finds even the pursuit stimulating; a woman is made to want to be pursued and finds even being pursued stimulating.

86
It makes a man’s good desire to pursue all about “capturing” and “using”, and a woman’s goal desire to be beautiful all about “seduction” and “manipulation”. In general it seems that men and women are tempted by lust in two unique ways: men are tempted by the pleasure of lust offers, while women are tempted by the power lust promises.
At the heart of guy’s temptation to list is often a desire for sensual and physical pleasure. The payoff of lust for a guy is that it will feel good.
(for women) What does come naturally is a desire for intimacy. (…rooted in fantasy about a relationship with him)

87
Lust offers men the pleasure of sex devoid of the hard work of intimacy. Lust offers women the power to get what they want relationally if they use their sexuality to seduce.

“I believe that the root of women’s struggle with lust is that we want to dominate men, control them, and manipulate them through sexual appeal,” a married woman from Knoxville wrote to me.

89-90
For guys:
- Female desire is often rooted in emotional longings
- They’re stimulated by touch.
- They’re excited by being pursued.
Helping to guard their purity doesn’t mean avoiding them. It means caring for them and extending genuine friendship. We can encourage Christian women we know who are serving God passionately. We can thank women who dress modestly.
And finally, we pray for our sisters. Do you ever pray that God would help the women you know to find their satisfaction in Him? Take the time to pray that God would help them love holiness and avoid the wrong visions of feminity the world constantly offer them. Pray that God would help them be virtuous, not seductive. Your prayers and friendship will accomplish more than you can imagine.

100
We know we might sin again, but we choose to press on in obedience and trust God to help us.

118
Instead of seeing how much I can avoid, I spend my energy trying to see how much I can handle. I’m like a person who figures out he can take half a poison pill every day without killing himself. It’s good that he’s not dying, but can it be healthy to take all those halves of poison pills?

Source: Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World - Joshua Harris (2005)

Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is) - Joshua Harris (2005) 1/3

PART 1
The Truth About Lust
20
I have a simple definition for lust: Lust is craving sexually what God has forbidden.
To lust is to want what you don’t have and weren’t meant to have. Lust goes beyond attraction, an appreciation of beauty, or even a healthy desire for sex – it makes these desires more important than God. Lust wants to go outside guidelines to find satisfaction.

23 – 27
Misguided in 3 key areas:
1) the wrong standard for holiness
Ephesians 5:3 – But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or any kind of impurity, or of greed because these are improper for God’s holy people.
God standard of not even a hint.
2) the wrong source of power to change
It reminds me that God’s standard is so much higher than the standards I place for myself that only the victory of Christ’s death and resurrection can provide the right power and the right motive needed to change me. Will power won’t work. Only the power of the cross can break the power of sin that keeps us on its treadmill.
3) and the wrong motive for fighting our sin
Despair or pride that I can change won’t work either. Only the motive of grace – trust in the undeserved favor of God – can inspire us to pursue holiness free from fear and shame.

30
That’s the mystery of His plan. You will find his strength in your weakness. As you despair in yourself, you will find hope in Him. And as you turn your back on lust, you will discover that true pleasure is something only God can give.

34
God gave us our dries so we could drive toward something. Just as He gave us appetite for food so that we wouldn’t forget to feed our bodies, He gave us a sexual appetite so that men and women would keep being joined together and creating offspring in marriage.
And beyond procreation, our sex drive is in some mysterious way part and parcel of our drive to build, advance, conquer and survive. Our sexuality and our sex drive are intertwine and tied together with our creativity and with our innate human desire to continue life on this spinning planet. Being a sexual being with sexual desires is part of what it means to be a human created in God’s image.

37
Misplaced shame can be dangerous because it saps our strength for fighting our real enemy. A person who is wrongly ashamed of being a sexual creature with sexual desires will quickly feel overwhelmed and helpless because he’s trying to overcome more than just lust – he’s trying to stop being human!

37 – 38
Prayer
- God, in this moment my whole body seems to be screaming for sexual satisfaction – would You please quiet my desires? My body was made for You and for holiness, not for sexual sin. Help me to glorify You with my body.
- God, thank You for beauty and for my ability to appreciate it. That person is very attractive. But let me look on him with purity. I don’t want to covet and lust after him. Help me to view him as a person made in Your image, not an object of my lust.

38
John Piper explains lust with this simple equation: “Lust is a sexual desire minus honor and holiness.” When we lust, we take this good thing – sexual desire – and remove from it honor toward fellow humans and reverence for God.

39
It’s only when we properly identify the source of lust as our selves that we can take responsibility and do something about it. Which brings me to an important point I don’t want you to miss: Though the source of lust is our own evil desires, the One who is offended is God. When we choose lust, we are actively rejecting God:
For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit (1 Thessalonians 4: 7-8)

41
God says “not…even a hint” because you can’t give in to lust’s demands and hope to pacify it. It always grows. And as it does, lust will orb you of your ability to enjoy true, godly pleasure. You can’t bargain with lust and come out a winner.

47
Only the power of the gospel can rescue us from the prison of our sin, and only the motive of grace can sustain us in the ongoing struggle against lust.

49
Here’s what you have to remember: You need to be rescued. You need God’s grace. And not just on your bad days – you need God’s grace every day.

50
(Josh can’t keep the contract signed/designed by himself)
The law, and our obedience of it, could never make us righteous. It only reveals how sinful we are and how incapable of changing by ourselves. The law is a huge signpost pointing out the fact that we need a Savior.

52
The process of sanctification is the result of being justified. Nothing we do in our pursuit of holiness adds to our justification.

56
Spirit-led life is not some superspiritual or mystical state; it simple means waling in step with the Spirit.

Source: Sex Is Not the Problem (Lust Is): Sexual Purity in a Lust-Saturated World - Joshua Harris (2005)

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PART 4
Looking ahead

166
“Marriage is much more than a wedding ceremony,” write Gary and Betsy Ricucci in their book Love that Lasts. “A wedding is an event, but a marriage is a state of being. It’s not a one-time act; it’s a lifelong commitment to be developed and maintained.”

167
How should we view marriage? According to this sermon, reverently, discreetly, advisedly, and soberly. These words, rich in meaning, give us a vivid and vast picture of marriage. Reverence means “a profound respect mingled with awe.” Discretion means “discernment or good judgement.” To do something advisedly means “to carefully consider” it. And to approach something soberly means “to be well-balanced, unaffected by passion, excitement, or prejudice.”

170
Marriage is a refining process. Conflict will occur in every marriage.

177
3 Characters
As we evaluate someone’s character (including your won), we need to carefully observe three areas – how the individual relates to God, the way he or she treats others, and the way this person disciplines his r her personal life. These areas are like windows to a person’s character.

181- 183
4 Attitudes
1) Willing obedience to God
2) Humility – considers others’ needs first.
3) Industriousness (Diligent)
4) Contentment and Hopefulness

189 –
4 Stages
1) Casual friendship – relational responsibilities
Every time when you feel attracted to someone, keep in mind that you’re involved in three kinds of relationships: your relationship with the person you’re interested in; your relationship with the people around you, including family and friends; and most important, your relationship with God. You have a responsibility toward each.
2) Deeper friendship
Friendship-deepening activities like service/ministry in church
As you friendship progresses, avoid saying and doing things that express romantic love. The context of a deepening friendship is not the time to talk about your possible future together; it’s time to get to know each other, serve God together in the church, and listen for God’s leading.
3) Courtship: purposeful intimacy with integrity
4) Engagement
I like Elisabeth Elliot’s advice to couples: “Keep your hands off and your clothes on.” Until you’re married, please don’t treat each other as if your bodies belong to each other even if you’re engaged.


Source: I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris (1997)

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PART 3
Building a new lifestyle

112
“Stephen,” the father said gravely, “times will come in life when you realize you’ve made a mistake. At that moment, you have two choices: You can swallow your pride and ‘pull a few nails,’ or you can foolishly continue your course, hoping the problem will go away. Most of the time the problem will only get worse. I’m giving you this tool to remind you of this principle: When you realize you’ve made a mistake, the best thing you can do is tear down the wall and start over.”

114
Have the courage to obey now. Obedience today will save you a lot of sorrow and regret tomorrow.

115
You’ll need two things as you live our a new attitude toward relationships: wisdom and accountability. Ideally, both of these should come from your parents.

129
For Paul, Christian friendship has God’s glory as its goal. It’s not aimless or merely for the sake of a good time. Paul’s primary concern is not that we develop social skills – he wants our friendships to be an expression of a passionate desire for God and His glory.

131
Gentlemen, are you the kind of friend to the girls in your life that you will one day hear from their husbands, “Thank you for being a brother to my wife”?

132
C. S. Lewis writes, “We picture lovers face to face, but friends side by side; their eyes look ahead.” The key to friendship is a common goal or object on which both companions focus. It can be an athletic pursuit, a hobby, faith, or music, but it’s something outside of them. As soon as the tow people involved focus on the relationship, it has moved beyond friendship.

136
What is our relationship to each other? We’re brothers and sisters in Christ.
How do we treat each other? With honor.
And what’s the secret to your zeal? Service – side by side for God’s glory.
Guided by his attitude, being “just friends” can be just plain awesome.

145
To break out of this patter of infatuation (constant thoughts about someone who has caught your eye, the heart palpitations whenever that person walks by, the hours of dreaming of a future with that special someone), we must reject the notion that a human relationship can ever completely fulfill us. When we find our hearts slipping into the fantasy world of infatuation, we should pray, “Lord, help me to appreciate this person without elevating him (or her) above You in my heart. Help me to remember that no human can ever take Your place in my life. You are my strength, my hope, my joy, and my ultimate reward. Bring me back to reality, God; ‘give me an undivided heart” (Psalm 86: 11)

148
Do you often find yourself focusing on your won sorry state and not relying on God to do His hest for you? If so, then you probably need to take an honest look at your tendency toward self-pity. If you need to, you can defuse self-pity by doing several things.
First, stop basing your happiness on how you compare with other people. Don’t get sucked into the comparison game. Too many people waste their lives pursuing things they don’t really want just because they can’t bear the idea of someone having something they don’t. Ask yourself this question: “Am I really lacking something in my life, or am I just coveting what someone else has?”
Next, when you feel those old feelings of self-pity rising, redirect them into compassion for others. Look around for someone who might share your feelings of loneliness, and find a way to comfort that person. Get your focus off your needs, and help meet someone else’s.
Finally, learn to use feelings of loneliness as an opportunity to draw closer to God.

157
Rebekah was able to meet God’s divine appointment for her life because she was faithfully carrying out her current obligations.” Yet though her task was mundane, she had a quickness to her step and ready willingness to serve others. These qualities put her in the right place at the right time with the right attitude when God intended to match her with Isaac.

If we aren’t faithful and growing in the relationships we have now, we won’t be prepared to pursue faithfulness and growth in marriage later.

159
Practice seeking God with others.
You might start this process with your family then branch out to pray and study the Bible with safe, non-romantic friends from church. Learn to share with others the lessons God teaches you. Learn to pray with someone else. Be honest about your areas of weakness, and ask God for a trusted person to keep you accountable in those areas.

Source: I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris (1997)

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PART 2
The heart of the matter
61
Leslie and I decided very early in our relationship that we were going to refrain from physical contact until we were married. Our first kiss was at the altar.

65
Am I modelling the love of Christ?
Do my motivations and actions in this relationship reflect the perfect love God has shown me?

66
When we make our feelings the most important measure of love, we place ourselves at the center of importance. If a man feels love for the poor but never gives his money to help them or never shows kindness to them, what are his feelings worth?
By inflating the importance of feelings, we neglect the importance of putting love in action. When we evaluate the quality of our love for someone else simply by our own emotional fulfilment, we are being selfish.

65 – 68
3 fallacies of love and 3 biblical views of live
1) Self-centered love
- Christ taught that love is not for the fulfilment of self but for the glory God and the good of others. True love is selfless. It gives; it sacrifices; it dies to its own needs. “Greater love has no one that this, “Jesus said, “that he lay down his life for his friends” (John 15: 13). He backed up His words with actions – He laid down His life for all of us.

2) Feeling-governed love
“If you love me, you will obey what I command” (John 14: 15). True love always expresses itself in obedience to god and service to others. Good feelings are nice but not necessary.

3) Beyond-my-control love
Jesus’ example also shows us that love is under our control. He chose to love us. Hoe chose to lay done His life for us. The danger of believing that you “fall in love” is that it also means you can “fall out of love” just as unexpectedly. Aren’t you glad that God’s love for us is under His control and not based on whim?

72
Committed, sincere, selfless, responsible – all these words describe God’s love. And each stands in stark contrast to the love practiced by the world.
In my view, if our habits in dating encourage us to wear the world’s style of love, then dating as we know it needs to go. If dating causes us to practice selfish, feeling-governed love that’s contrary to God’s love, we must be willing to reject it.

77
When we pursue romance is a major factor in determining whether or not dating is appropriate for us. And we can only determine the appropriate time to pursue romance when we understand God’s purpose for singleness and trust His timing for relationships.

80
Ask yourself whether you’re using God’s gift of singleness as He desires.
- Am I concentrating on “simple pleasing the Master”?
- Am I using this season of my life to become a “holy” instrument for God?
- Am I failing to believe that God is sovereign over this part of my life and can provide for me?
- Am I cluttering my life with needless complications and worries of dating?

83
Why don’t I snatch it up? Why shouldn’t you? Because God has promised something better. He provides something better now as we take advantage of the unique opportunities of singleness, and He’ll provide something better later when we enter into marriage. But we must have faith to believe it. Like those little children, we’re left alone with something that we think could satisfy us immediately. And we can’t see the reward of delaying gratification.

83-84
It gets down to this question: Do you trust God? Don’t give a knee-jerk, Sunday school answer. Do you really trust Him? Do you live your life as if you trust Him? Do you believe that by passing up something good now because it’s the wrong time, God will bring something better when it is the right time?
When will we find it? We ask. The answer is, Trust me.
How will we find it? The answer again is, Trust me.
Why must I let myself be lost? We persist. The answer is, Look at the acorn and trust Me.

84
Whether you’re single or married, whether you’re liked, loved, or lonely, they key to contentment is trust. Believe it or not, if we are discontented with singleness, we’ll more than likely face discontentment when we’re married.

86
Do you believe that God knows best? Then place your life’s calendar at His feet and allow Him to handle the scheduling of your relationships. Trust Him to handle the scheduling of your relationships. Trust Him even if it means not dating when other people think you should. When God knows you’re ready for the responsibility of commitment, He’ll reveal the right person under the right circumstances.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” God says, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future” (Jeremiah 29: 11). Let’s live our todays for His kingdom and entrust our tomorrows to His providence.
We couldn’t lay our futures in better hands. All we have to do is trust.

88
True purity, however, is a direction, a persistent, determined pursuit of righteousness. This direction starts in the heart, and we express it in a lifestyle that flees opportunities for compromise.

91
Living a pure life before God requires the teamwork of your heart and your feet. The direction of purity begins within; you must support it in practical, everyday decisions of where, when and with whom you choose to be.

92- 98
Purity in action
1) Respect the deep significance of physical intimacy.
God designed our sexuality as a physical expression of the oneness of marriage.
2) Set your standards too high (set high standards).
We can only attain righteousness by doing two things – destroying sin in its embryonic stage and fleeing temptation. Mr. Graham did both. He cut off the opportunity for sin at its root, and he fled from even the possibility of compromise.
For couples moving toward engagement or those already engaged, the same principle applies. Set you standards higher than you need to. Cut off sin at its root. Until you’re married – and I mean until you’ve walked down that aisle and exchanged vows – don’t act as if you bodies belong to each other.
Set you standards too high. You will never regret purity.
3) Make the purity of others a priority.
By making her emotional and spiritual purity a priority, Matt helped Julie focus her mind and heart on God. If Matt had acted selfishly, he could have distracted Julie from what God wanted to accomplish in and through her life.

Source: I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris (1997)

I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris (1997) 1/4

8
Joshua writes, “every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to live another person as God has loved us.” This sums up the book’s message. Once we embrace this principle, the rest is just details.

PART 1
Isn’t there a better way?
19
Relationships with the opposite sex is not about getting, but giving. Every relationship for a Christian is an opportunity to love another person like God has lived us. To lay down our desires and do what’s in his or her best interest. To care for him or her even when there’s nothing in it for us. To want that person’s purity and holiness because it pleases God and protects him or her.

20
Each person has to examine his or her own life and ask what it means to love others like Christ.

21
But when I changed my attitude and made pleasing God and blessing others my first priorities, I found true peace and joy. When I stopped seeing girls as potential girlfriends and started treating them as sisters in Christ, I discovered the incredible potential of serving God as a single. And when I stopped flirting with temptation in one-to-one dating relationships and started pursuing righteousness, I uncovered the peace and power that come from purity. I kissed dating goodbye I found our that God has something better in store!

23
Everyone around us may be doing it. But at the end of our lives, we won’t answer to everyone. We’ll answer to God.

23
It’s this grace, this mercy, that should motivate us to live differently for the rest of our lives. I’m unworthy sinner that God chose to rescue and forgive. This is love.
And because I’ve experienced it – because Jesus died for me – I’m committed to a love life that’s controlled by Him. I invite you along. In light of the love He’s given us, let’s make purity and blamelessness our priority.

25
The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment.

33
This little principle (The joy of intimacy is the reward of commitment) is a practical way to practice the Golden Rule in romance – it’s deciding to do what’s best for others by never asking for intimacy that you're not able to match with commitment.

38-46
Defective Dating
1) Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship.
C. S. Lewis describes friendship as two people waling side by side toward a common goal. Their mutual interest brings them together.
2) Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love.
3) Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships.
4) Dating can distract young adults from their primary responsibility or preparing for the future.
5) Dating can cause discontentment with God’s gift of singleness.
Although we don't sin when we look forward to marriage, we might be guilty of poor stewardship of our singleness when we allow a desire for something God obvious doesn’t have for us yet to rob our ability to enjoy and appreciate what He has given us.
6) Dating can create an artificial environment for evaluating another person’s character.
Part of the reason dating is fun is that it gives us a break from real life.
The priority shouldn’t be to get away from real life; they need a strong dose of objective reality! They need to see each other in the real-life settings of family and friends.
7) Dating often becomes an end it itself.
Instead of acting as a bridge between friendship and marriage, dating becomes the destination – not ending but not moving on, either.

49 – 53
Five attitudes changes to help you avoid defective dating.
1) Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ’s love.
The world will know we follow Christ by the way we love others. For this reason, we must practice live as God defines it – sincere, servant-hearted and selfless – not the world’s brand of selfish and sensual love based on what feels good.
2) My unmarried years are a gift from God.
3) I don’t need to pursue a romantic relationship before I’m ready for marriage.
4) I cannot “own” someone outside of marriage.
5) I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my body or mind.

55
Many of us walk through life plagued by the question “Has God given me His best?” But the question that we must answer first is “Am I giving God my best?”
You and I will never experience God’s best – in singleness or in marriage – until we give God our all. We’ve held on to old attitudes, foolishly clutching a lifestyle that the world tells us will bring fulfilment. God asks us to hand it all over to Him.

Source: I Kissed Dating Goodbye - Joshua Harris (1997)