EMBRACING THE OTHER
Page 173-174
When God sees Adam alone, a male without a female, God says it is “not
good”. It is the first thing in the universe that God finds imperfect. Adam is
the physical source of Eve, and he is given the responsibility of naming her.
Both of these elements in the narrative lay the basis for later New Testament
statements about a husband’s “headship”. However, despite giving authority to
the man, the woman is not described in the expected way – as an inferior. She
is called “a helper suitable for him” (Genesis 2:18).
The English word “helper” is not the best translation for the Hebrew
word ‘ezer. “Helper” connotes merely assisting someone who could do the task
almost as well without help. But ‘ezer is almost always used in the Bible to
describe God himself. Other times it is used to describe military help, such as
reinforcements, without which a battle would be lost. To “help” someone, then,
is to make up what is lacking in him with your strength. Woman was made to be a
“strong helper”.
The word “suitable” is just as unhelpful
translation. This translates a compound phrase that is literally “like opposite
him”. The entire narrative of Genesis 2, in which a piece of the man is removed
to create the woman, strongly implies that each is incomplete without the
other.
Male and female are “like opposite” to one another. They are like two
pieces of puzzle that fit together because they are not exactly alike nor
randomly different, but they are differentiated such that together they can
create a complete whole. Each sex is gifted for different steps in the same
Great Dance.
Page 174
In Jesus Christ’s person and work we begin to see a restoration of the
original unity and love between the sexes. Jesus both elevates and underlines
the equality of women as co-bearers of the image of God and the creation
mandate, and he also redeems the roles given to man and woman at the beginning
by inhabiting them, both as servant-heard and ‘ezer-subordinate.
Page 175
Jesus’ willing acceptance of this role was wholly voluntary, a gift to
his Father. I discovered there that my submission in marriage was a gift I
offered, not a duty coerced from me.
Page 176
The Son submits to the Father’s headship
with free, voluntary, and joyful eagerness, not out of coercion or inferiority.
The Father’s headship is acknowledged in reciprocal delight, respect and love.
There is no inequality of ability or dignity. We are differently gendered to
reflect this life within the Trinity. Male and female are invited to
mirror and reflect the “dance” of the Trinity, loving, self-sacrificing
authority and loving, courageous submission. The Son takes a subordinate role,
and in that moment he shows not his weakness but his greatness. This is one of
the reasons why Paul can say that the marriage “mystery” gives us insight into the very heart of
God in the work of our salvation (Ephesians 5:32).
Page 178
We, the church, submit to Christ in everything, and the parallel of a
wife submitting “everything” to her husband is no longer daunting, since we
know what kind of behavior the husband has been called on to imitate. To what role must he submit? To that of savior, a
servant-leader, who uses his authority and power to express a love that doesn’t
even stop at dying for the beloved.
Page 179
Both women and men get to “play the Jesus role” in marriage – Jesus in
his sacrificial authority, Jesus in his sacrificial submission. By accepting
our gender roles, and operating within them, we are able to demonstrate to the
world concepts that are so counterintuitive as to be completely unintelligible
unless they are lied out by men and women in Christian marriages.
Page 180
Using all the qualifiers in the world, in general, as a whole and
across the spectrum, men have a gift of
independence, a “sending” gift. They look outward. They initiate. Under
sin, these traits can become either an alpha male individualism, if this
capacity is turned into an idol, or dependence, if the calling is utterly
rejected and the opposite embraced in rebellion. The first sin is
hypermasculinity, while the second sin is rejection of masculinity.
Using all the qualifiers in the world, in general, as a whole and
across the spectrum, women have a gift of
interdependence, a “receiving”. They are inwardly perceptive. They
nurture. Under sin, these traits can become either a clinging dependence, if
attachment is turned into an individualism, if the calling is utterly rejected
and the opposite embraced in rebellion.
Page 182
As Genesis says, male and female are
“like-opposite” each other – both radically different and yet incomplete without
each other. I have had homosexual friends, both men and women, tell me
that one of the factors that made homosexual love attractive to them was how
much easier it was than dealing with someone with of a different sex.
Page 187-188
In the home, the Bible directs male and female to reflect our different
gifts in our family functions – our job descriptions in the team. Wives are more directly and more often exhorted to be
gentle supporters, to be encouragers (1 Peter 3:1-2,4), and more directly
and more often to be nurturing children and the home life (Titus 2:4-5). Husbands are exhorted more directly and more often to
lead, provide for and protect the family, but are not let off the hook
for the education and nurture of the children (1 Timothy 3:4; 5:8).
Page 188-189
Submission to God’s pattern in marriage gets your more in touch with
some deep things in yourself, your primary maleness or femaleness, yet marriage
balances you and broadens you, too. The qualities of the other sex “rub-off” on
you, making you each strong and tender, serving each other in distinct ways.
Tim likes to say that after years and years of marriage he often finds himself
in situation where he is about to respond, but he knows instinctively what I
would say or do if I were there. “In that split second, I have the opportunity
to ask myself, ‘Would Kathy’s typical reaction be more wise and appropriate
than mine?’ And I realize my repertoire of possible words and actions has been
greatly expanded. My wife has taught me how to look at life as she does, and
now I have a greater range of responses and a greater likelihood of doing the
right thing.”
Source: The Meaning of Marriage: facing the complexities of commitment with the wisdom of God, by Timothy Keller with Kathy Keller (2011)
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