Accepting who we are: The
Antidote to Envy
Page 92-93
Zephaniah 3:17 is a personal favorite for me: “The Lord your God is in
your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness;
he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” Just
think of what this means! The almighty God, the Lord of the universe, exults
over you with loud singing. You make him happy because you are his treasured
possession. When I think of this, I picture a happy father who is watching
his little girl performing in a drama at her school. He is so pleased and
excited by what she is doing that he spontaneously cries out in approval and
praise, not caring what those around him may think: “That’s my girl!”
Children need such messages of affirmation form their family members.
Sharing appreciation and praise for God’s goodness and his gifts should be as
normal a part of our lives as breathing and eating.
Page 98
When I feel insecure or threatened, or find myself in a hostile
environment, I find it helpful to slip away, be with God for a few minutes,
recharge my batteries, and remind myself that I am a servant who serves under
the authority of my Master. If I cannot slip away physically, I try to do so
mentally. Even when I am in the midst of a stressful conflict situation, I try
to become more conscious of God’s presence. This gives me peace and helps me
not to react rashly or out or irritation.
Page 100
As important as it is to affirm the giftedness of individuals to serve
God and to communicate that people are accepted in Christian community, we must
never forget that these things cannot be the ultimate source of our identity
and significance. Using the gifts God has given us to serve and receiving
affirmation and praise from others can be helpful, but neither of these can
serve as the root of our security. Seeking our identity and significance from
other Christians or from our own ability to serve, preach, or minister to
others will leave us disillusioned and disappointed. Inevitably, our fellow
Christians will hurt us. We will have days when our ministry feels dead and our
gifts seem to fail us.
But if our significance comes from God, we will stand secure on the
solid rock of God’s Word, knowing that we are free to love because we are the
beloved of God. Our gifts and the Christian community open us to accepting
and understanding God’s affirmation. But we should not stop there. We should go
through the open door afforded through gifts and community and graduate to
finding our significance and identity primarily from God.
Sharing without Boasting
Page 106
We cannot overcome boasting by trying not to focus on ourselves. We
overcome boasting by looking at God and how good he has been to us. We cannot
root out pride by trying not to be proud; we allow our pride to be overwhelmed
by God’s grace. Having being raised up to such a height in Christ, we find that
we want nothing more than to lift up the name of God and serve others. We are
no longer upset when we are not recognized because we know that God recognizes
us. We aren’t seeking to be known by others because we understand that we are
known by God.
Sensitivity to Others
Page 121-122
Another key to help us overcome the irritability that comes with
pressure is spending time with God. When we are close to God, the security of
his eternity rubs off on us and we develop security within ourselves, which
results in a reduction of pressure. Psalm 46: 10 says, “Be still, and know that
I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!”
Isaiah 26: 3-4 says, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on
you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is
an everlasting Rock.” When we spend time with God, the security that belongs to
our everlasting, almighty rock comes into us as well. We slowdown from the
rushed attitude that binds our lives by rooting our attitudes on eternity.
That, in turn, takes away the irritability that can control our behavior.
I have heard a helpful story about a Christian woman who has been
identified as Susannah Wesley in several websites, though I am not certain
about that. This woman had many children (Susannah had nineteen, of whom nine
died as infants). A neighbor would help her when she was very busy. The
neighbor once told the woman that she was so surprised at how much at peace and
close to God she seemed to be even though she had so many children. She asked
her for her secret. The mother pointed to a large apron she was wearing. She
said that there was a rule in the house that when mother put her apron over her
head and sat on a special chair at home, she was praying and must not be
disturbed. The children learned to keep the rule, and the mother went to pray
whenever she felt the pressure was getting too much. Through contact with
God, her nerves was relaxed by the security of being under almightiness. Prayer
can be a great antidote to rudeness!
Anger: The Vice of the
Virtous
Page 134-148
1. Carelessness: Failing to consider the consequences
To give an example: In the middle of an argument a daughter tells her
mother, “Anyway, I am a burden on you, unlike my brother.” The mother responds,
“What made you think that? You know that’s not true.” The girl refers to an
event seven years earlier when, in the height of an argument, the mother had
made that statement. She never really meant it. In fact many times the
statements made by angry people do not really represent what they deeply
believe. They say nasty things, ruled by their emotions or their pain at the
moment, and don’t realize how devastating those words can be to the other
person. People need to know that what they say has the power to cause great
damage.
For many years after committing my life to Christ, despite the joy of a
happy relationship with God, I found that I continued to struggle with a hot
temper. Most of my anger was directed at my brothers and my mother, and I
learned to regularly apologize for my outbursts. Sometimes I would try to pray
at night before going to bed, and I would find that I could not come before God
until I had first apologized to one of them. I remember waking my mother up
from her sleep a few times just to do so! I believe that continuing to do this
after my outbursts has helped me overcome this nasty habit, so that now this is
not the problem it used to be.
2. Pressure & Stress: Overwork, Busyness & Change
a) First, you must admit that you are experiencing stress.
b) Second, share your burdens with a friend.
c) Third, hand over your burden to God.
About twenty years ago we had had a major crisis in our ministry, and I
was at a loss to know to move forward. We struggled for many weeks, and the
final resolution took a long time to achieve. This was a very stressful time
for me, and I got into the habit of spending nights alone with God. I would sit
in my room at night talking to him, at times reading the Bible, and at times
doing nothing but sitting. Even when I would sit alone, I was conscious that I
was in the presence of God. These times of prolonged sitting with God helped
clam my troubled soul and enabled me to face the stress in my life without
outbursts of anger or despair. It was during this time that I also learned an
important principle: in a time of conflict, meet with God before you meet
with people. Our actions never spring simply as a reaction to what people
do and say to us. They spring primarily from the call of God to be his servants
and his sending us out to face the people we encounter in our ministry.
3. Physical Weakness: Lack of sleep, sickness and poor health
I have found that irritability can be used by God to force me to
reevaluate my schedule. The older I get, the more often I need to stop and cut
things out from my schedule. Responsibilities have a way of accumulating, and
before we realize it we are overloaded. Therefore, occasionally I try to stop
and prune my schedule, sometimes cutting out some fairly serious
responsibilities and commitments.
When a mother has to care for her little children, she is often
physically exhausted. I advise husbands, who tend to be preoccupied by the
supposedly more significant battles and stresses in their workplace, to take
time to learn about the stress and the challenges their wives face and give
them time to rest or to enjoy some time away from the kids. Most husbands don’t realize the extent of
pressure their wives are experiencing. Young mothers need time to be refreshed
and to remember that their life and
identity are not entirely defined by their responsibilities and roles as
a mom. A loving husband will work to provide this for this wife by taking
on some of her responsibilities or finding someone to care for the children for
a while, to give his wife a break.
4. Unresolved wounds: Pain from the past
Don’t go through life with unresolved wounds!
5. A Guilty Conscious: Failing to grasp the gospel of grace
Love Focuses on the Truth,
Not on Wrong
Page 151
Yes, it is painful to be betrayed. It is difficult to be deceived, and
there is terrible evil in this world. But God’s love is greater than the evil
we experience. He overcame evil on the cross, and after receiving this grace
that flows from Calvary, we need to look at all people through the eyes of the
cross. People can be transformed through the grace that flows from the cross.
When we see evil we mourn, but we mourn with a longing to see those responsible
transformed by the righteousness of God. And when we see goodness, we genuinely
rejoice – not because we believe in the inherent goodness of people, but
because we believe in the power of God to use imperfect people to accomplish
real, genuine good. It all comes down to a matter of focus, of what we choose
to believe. Will we look at the evil and goodness we see in this world through
the lens of the gospel?
Page 152
In the first part of 1 Corinthians 13:6, Paul says, “[Love] does not
rejoice at wrongdoing.” What David Hocking says about this is sadly true: “It’s
easy to be glad at another person’s misfortune when it makes you look better.” Finding
happiness in the problems of others is clear evidence of our own feelings of
inadequacy and insecurity. We try to compensate our won weakness by
focusing on the weaknesses of others. Their failures give us some satisfaction
because we use that to buttress the idea that we are not as bad as they are.
Looking at them, we feel better about ourselves.
Page 153
Gossip
Instead of being entertained or comforted by the sins of others, we
should mourn. Love wants to see others doing the best they can by the grace
of God, whereas gossip does the opposite, revealing their flaws. First
Peter 4:8 says that love has the power to cover sin – not to hide it but to
nullify its power an limit its effects : “Above all, keep loving one another
earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” To cover sin is to refuse to
use it in public. As we have seen, there are times when we need to discipline
those who have sinned and share about their sin with others in the community of
faith. But there is a key difference between this type of sharing and gossip.
Sharing for the intent of discipline is done out of love for the person and for
the health of the group to which he or she belongs.
Love’s Perseverance
Page 163-164
In his letter to the Romans, Paul uses this noun form when he says that
“suffering produces endurance” (Rom 5:3). In both of these passages, we see
that endurance (or perseverance) is something that is learned and developed
through suffering or trials. Both James 1:2-3 and Romans 5:3 tell us that
we should be happy about the trials because through them we develop endurance.
The ability to endure hardship with a confident attitude, trusting in
God, is one of the greatest gifts a person can have. The happiest people in the
world are not those who have no problems. They are those who are not afraid of
problems. So trials take on a decidedly positive tenor with this understanding
that trials are the means through which we receive one of the most important
qualities in a happy life – endurance.
A man came to his pastor and asked for prayer that he would be more
patient at home. The pastor began to pray and kept saying, “Send my brother
tribulation.” After a little of this the man patted the pastor on the back and
said, “But Pastor, I did not ask for tribulation, I asked for patience.” The
pastor replied, “Ah, but ‘tribulation worketh patience’”(see KJV of Rom. 5:3)
Grace-Filled: Neither
Gullible轻信Nor
Cynical愤世嫉俗的
Page 173
One of the biggest theological battles I have had in my life has been whether
it is truly possible to believe that people can be transformed by grace. I have
often wondered whether I am a naïve fool for believing that God can make some
people into vibrant, stable and holy Christians. But I simply cannot give into
the cynicism of our age; I cannot give up hope. Why? Because the Bible tells
me that there is nothing too hard for God. His grace is greater than all our
sins and weaknesses. Don’t let the environment in which you live ruin your
hope. God is too great, too loving and too gracious for us to let our attitude
be controlled by cynicism. Keep clinging to belief in the possibilities of
grace; never give up the knowledge that faith in our powerful God will
transform your prayer life an drive you to be an active agent of hope in this
cynical world.
It’s worth it!
Page 178-179
My former colleague and good friend Adrian de Visser told me about an
incident that took place when he went to the home of Dr. Joel Hunter, Senior
Pastor of the Northland Church in Orlando. Dr. Hunter’s wife was bringing the
main dish to the dining table when she tripped and fell. The dish crashed to
the ground and its contents were splattered in all directions on the floor.
Adrian wondered how Dr. Hunter would react. He ran to her and asked, “Are you
hurt, honey?” When he found out that she was not, he looked at Adrian and
said, “Adrian, there are plenty of places where we could go and eat anything we
want, but I’m so glad that Becky is not hurt.”
Coming back to the story of our happy home, imagine that one day the
elder son comes home while his mother is busy preparing dinner and is stressed
out with all that has to be done. As he opens the door, he shouts, “Mummy”. Her
first instinct is to shout, “What?” in a harsh tome. But decisive love wins
through. She decides to still the voice of annoyance and respond kindly saying,
“What is this, son?” He excitedly announces that he has been selected to the
school basketball team. She reacts to this news with glee and shouts for the
other children to come. When his father coms home, the son rushed up to his dad
and gives him the good news. The father says, “I know, son, your mother already
called me and gave me the good news.” The son is thrilled with the response of
his family.
Where do you think his son will go when he has a problem in school
or when he struggles with the uncertainties of his relationships with members
of the opposite sex? To his mother! He knows she will listen, try to
understand him, and give him kind advice. In order to get the attention of a
listening ear, he does not need to go to his friends who do not follow
Christian principles and would probably give him bad advice. He knows he has a
listening year at home.
No comments:
Post a Comment