One Home at a Time

The Four Pillars of Family Reformation

Pillar #1: Personal Repentance & Purity

Pillar #2: The Sacred Covenant of Marriage

Pillar #3: The Sanctity of God-Ordained Roles

Pillar #4: A Legacy of Spiritual Vitality for the Next Generation

Page 55

Martin’s answer filled the huge hall:”Unless I am instructed and convinced with evidence from the Holy Scriptures or with open, clear and distinct grounds and reasoning – and my conscience is captive to the Word of God – then I cannot and will not recant, because it is neither safe nor wise to act against conscience.” Above the roar of voices, Martin shouted, “Here I stand! I can do no other. God help me! Amen.”

Martin Luther walked briskly from the great hall. Another seed of reformation had been courageously planted.

Page 80-81

Divorce

Divorce permeates every facet of life – disrupting communities, obstructing education, and dividing families. Divorce kills a culture.

The evidence is conclusive: Divorce – because it destroys families – destroys a culture. Harvard sociologist Armand Nicholi III concluded, “Divorce is not a solution, but an exchange of problems.” In a more personal way, novelist Pat Conroy said of his own marriage breakup, “Each divorce is the death of a small civilization.”

Reclaiming the Sanctity尊严 of Marriage

Commitment #1: Do not get married unless you plan to keep you vows

Commitment #2: Fulfill your vows by staying married

Commitment #3: Fulfill your vows by praying faithfully with your spouse

Commitment #4: Fulfill your vows by caring faithfully for your spouse

Commitment #5: Fulfill your vows by maintaining emotional & moral fidelity

Commitment #6: Fulfill your vows by finishing strong

The Testimony of Dr. McQuilkin

Dr. McQuilkin was president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary (now Columbia International University) in Columbia, South Carolina, for 22 years. All those years, Muriel was his biggest fan and chief supporter. They were a dynamic ministry team: Robertson presided over the college and seminary and Muriel hosted a local Christian radio show.

But in 1984, Muriel’s health deteriorated. Tests confirmed the worst: She had Alzheimer’s disease. Over the next few years, she slowly failed, losing many of her basic skills. She couldn’t speak clearly, and she lost her ability to reason. Muriel no longer could feed herself, and Robertson had to dress and bathe her.

With Muriel’s needs escalating and his responsibilities at the college unchanged, Robertson faced a gut-wrenching decision: Should he place Muriel in an institution? After all, he had been called by God to the ministry, and now caring for this wife encroached upon his duties at the college. In a article Christianity Today, Dr McQuilkin wrote,

When the time came, the decision was firm. It took no great calculation. It was a matter of integrity. Had I not promised 42 years before, “in sickness and in health….till death do us part”?

This was no grim严峻duty to which I was stoically坚忍resigned, however. It was only fair. She had, after all, cared for me and for almost four decades with marvelous devotion; now it was my turn. And such a partner she was! If I took care of her for 40 years, I would never be out of her debt.

In 1990, Robertson resigned as the president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary so he could care for his beloved Muriel.

While telling this story to the men at the Promise Keepers rally, I recalled how I had phoned Barbara when I first read the McQuilkins’ story. After I shared it with her, there was a long silence, then with her voice breaking Barbara asked, “Dennis, will you love me like that?” Without hesitation, I responded, “Yes, sweetheart, I will.”

Page 102

The family achieves optimum success in nurturing children when a father and a mother willingly embrace clearly defined roles in the home: the father sacrificially loving, leading, and protecting; the mother sacrificially nurturing and caring.

Husband’s role as servant leader and the wife’s role as helper-nurturer.

Although in discussing this topic I feel like a soldier crossing minefield while under intense enemy fire, now is not the time to be bashful about what the Bible teaches concerning roles in marriage. Husbands need to be called out of their positivity or dictatorial headship and challenged to lead by laying down their lives for their wives and families. Wives need to be called back to being helpmates to their husbands and nurturing, affirming mothers to their children.

If you are a married male, then you have been created by God to love and lead your wife, and to provide for and to protect your family.

If you are a married female, then you have been created by God to nurture your children and to support your husband.

Husband	Wife
sacrificially loving, leading, and protecting	sacrificially nurturing and caring
servant leader	helper-nurturer
laying down their lives for their wives and families	helpmates to their husbands and nurturing, affirming mothers to their children
have been created by God to love and lead your wife, and to provide for and to protect your family	have been created by God to nurture your children and to support your husband.

A Noble Endeavor (Testimony)
When my daughter, Rebecca, was 11, the two of us were driving home one evening after gymnastics practice. Ever the inquisitive dad, I asked Rebecca what she wanted to be when she grew up. Her response didn’t surprise me; I’d heard it a number of times before.

“Dad, when I grow up,” she said with great determination, “I want to be gymnastics instructor!”

I pondered her answer for a while before saying, “Rebecca, that’s a good goal, and if God calls you to be a gymnastics instructor, nothing would make me happier. But I want you to know that if, when you grow up, God calls you to marry a young man and become a mother, your mom and I would be just a proud of you. Rebecca, you need to make your home your primary focus and commitment.”

A couple of months later I overheard Rebecca and Barbara discussing the subject of careers. Barbara asked Rebecca what she wanted to be when she grew up. I cocked my head to listen.

“Mom,” said Rebecca, “when I grow up, I think I want to be a wife and mother.”

YES!

The Biblical Role for

Men: Servant Leader Ephesians 5: 23-25 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 因 为 丈 夫 是 妻 子 的 头 ， 如 同 基 督 是 教 会 的 头 ； 他 又 是 教 会 全 体 的 救 主 。 教 会 怎 样 顺 服 基 督 ， 妻 子 也 要 怎 样 凡 事 顺 服 丈 夫 。 你 们 作 丈 夫 的 ， 要 爱 你 们 的 妻 子 ， 正 如 基 督 爱 教 会 ， 为 教 会 舍 己 。	Women: Helper-Lover Genesis 2: 20-22 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 那 人 便 给 一 切 牲 畜 和 空 中 飞 鸟 、 野 地 走 兽 都 起 了 名 ； 只 是 那 人 没 有 遇 见 配 偶 帮 助 他 。 耶 和 华 神 使 他 沉 睡 ， 他 就 睡 了 ； 於 是 取 下 他 的 一 条 肋 骨 ， 又 把 肉 合 起 来 。 耶 和 华 神 就 用 那 人 身 上 所 取 的 肋 骨 造 成 一 个 女 人 ， 领 他 到 那 人 跟 前 。 Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 你 们 作 妻 子 的 ， 当 顺 服 自 己 的 丈 夫 ， 如 同 顺 服 主 。 因 为 丈 夫 是 妻 子 的 头 ， 如 同 基 督 是 教 会 的 头 ； 他 又 是 教 会 全 体 的 救 主 。 教 会 怎 样 顺 服 基 督 ， 妻 子 也 要 怎 样 凡 事 顺 服 丈 夫 。 Titus 2:4-5 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. 好 指 教 少 年 妇 人 ， 爱 丈 夫 ， 爱 儿 女 ，谨 守 ， 贞 洁 ， 料 理 家 务 ， 待 人 有 恩 ， 顺 服 自 己 的 丈 夫 ， 免 得 神 的 道 理 被 毁 谤 。
Love: Self-denial, Sacrificial action, Servant’s heart	Helper for husband, submissive to husband, make mothering a priority.
Honor your wife	Reverence your husband.
Love your wife	Love him.
Show your love	Do not conceal your love from him.
Suffer for your wife, if need be	Cultivate the modesty and delicacy of your youth.
Study to keep her young	Cultivate personal attractiveness.
Help to bear her burdens	Cultivate physical attractiveness.
Make yourself helpful by thoughtfulness	Do not forget the power of incidental attentions.
Study your own character as a husband. Role model husband.	Make your home attractive.
Seek to refine you nature. Be a gentleman.	Study your husband’s character.
Level up.
Stay at home.

Page 121

A child is a person who is going to carry on what you have started…He will assume control of your cities, states, and nations. He is going to move in and take over your churches, schools, universities, and corporations…The fate of humanity is in his hands

- Abraham Lincoln - 

Page 126

I mistakenly though, early on, that God gave me Barbara and me six children so we could help them grow up. Now I believe God gave us children to help us finish the process of growing up! We have found that it’s impossible to raise our children so become godly adults and selfish at the same time.

Page 131

Radical Modeling

Children need their parents to be models of integrity – like Dan Jarrell’s father, John, was for him.  Mr Jarrell, although in his late 40s, moved his family to Oregon to take a new job. Things went well for two years, but then John’s boss asked him to falsify a civil service report so that an elderly woman could be dismissed from her job. Mr. Jarrell knew the charges against the woman were false, so he refused to prepare the bogus report. The boss tried intimidation, but still John did not compromise his integrity.

Mr Jarrell was 50 years old and had no job prospects. There were still three teenagers at home to feed, clothe, and house. But all of that didn’t matter – John knew he must do the right thing.

And so without any job in sight. Mr Jarrell did one of the hardest things he had ever done in his life: He resigned.

God blessed this man’s decision in a number of ways. A month later, Mr Jarrell was offered a more enjoyable job. But the most important outcome was the impact John Jarrell’s stand had on his son Dan, who later said to his father, “His courageous decision when the heat was on is now a part of my legacy; it has marked me for life.”

Page 174

What if newlyweds had a marriage mentor assigned to them by their church for the formative years of their marriage? I believe that hundreds of thousands of couples in our churches would volunteer a couple of hours a week to equip our sons and daughters to survive in a culture that takes not captives.

Page 175

Recently, after some days of prayer and fasting, I took Barbara’s hands and looked deeply into her eyes and told her that I wanted to do a better job of loving and pouring out my life for her. Every husband needs to regularly revisit this sacred and solemn responsibility. 

Source: One Home at a Time (1997) by Dennis Rainey