Following the way of Love
Page 22-23
As Corrie stood there, she pondered a difficult choice. She knew, in
her heart, that there was no question for not forgiving, for she understood
that “the message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive
those who have injured us.” In fact she had just spoken the necessity of
forgiveness, of the need to forgive as God has forgiven us in Christ. Corrie
also knew that, after the war, “those who were able to forgive their former
enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives,
no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed bitterness remained
invalids.”
“And still,” says Corrie, “I stood there with the coldness clutching my
heart.” Emotionally frozen, Corrie reasoned that “forgiveness is not an
emotion.” Instead, she reminded herself that forgiveness “is an act of the
will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.”
She silently prayed, “Jesus help me! I can lift my hand. I can do that much.
You supply the feeling…And so woodenly, mechanically, I stretched my hand to
the one stretched out to me.”
Just at that time something amazing happened. “The current started in
my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this
healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.”
Corrie cried out, “I forgive you, brother! With all my heart!”
Corrie then writes about the incident: “For a long moment we grasped
each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I have never knew
God’s love so intensely as I did then.”
Can you see the three steps in the process of God’s love being
activated and used in Corrie’s life? First, God’s love applied pressure on
Corrie to forgive. Second, Corrie decided to obey God’s command, even
though she did not feel like doing so. Third, God supplied the strength
to follow through with the decision to loving obey.
Page 24
Love is an end in it self
Implied in Paul’s description of love as the “more excellent way”
(12:31) is the idea that love is more than a means to an end; it is an end in
itself. This is more explicit in the admonition to “pursue love” (14:1), or as
the RSV renders it, “make love your aim.” Elsewhere Paul says, “The aim of our
charge is love” (1 Tim 1:5). Love is one of our key goals in life even though it
is difficult to measure.
Page 25-26
Testimony of McQuilkin
A few minutes before writing these words, I was mourning the fact that
I had helped someone at considerable cost and he had not turned out the way I
hoped. The thought came to me that I had wasted my time and energy and suffered
unnecessarily. Writing the earlier paragraph ministered to me! When we love, we
are achieving the basic goal in the life of a Christian. Love is not only a
means to an end; it is an end in itself.
In the late 1980s, I grew to appreciate the writings of Robertson
McQuilkin, president of Columbia International University. In 1990, I was
surprised to learn that McQuilkin had decided to resign from his position at
the school. At the time, McQuilkin was in his prime, enjoying worldwide
influence as an internationally respected Christian leader. I later learned
that McQuilkin had resigned in order to care full-time for his wife, who was
suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. After grappling for some time with a need
to care for his wife in her deteriorating condition, he had finally decided
that his primary responsibility at that stage of his life was caring for her,
the woman who had stood by him and cared for him for over four decades.
His decision was not an easy one. Just three years after his decision
to resign from Columbia, McQuilkin’s wife could no longer even recognize him.
It would have been tempting, at this point, to hire someone else to care for
her and return to his work as a Christian leader. Yet until her death in 2003,
for over ten years, McQuilkin chose to continue to serve his wife, providing
her with the daily care she needed. Some might have considered this act of
loving service a waste of his gifts. After all, McQuilkin could have hired a
nurse or paid someone else to do this work. But Robertson McQuilkin understood
that love is not the means to a greater end – it is itself the end to which God
calls us.
Upon announcing his resignation from his position as the president of
the university, McQuilkin spoke about the reason why he was leaving. He spoke
of his deep and abiding love for his wife and concluded by adding, “She is
such a delight to me, I don’t have to care for her, I get to.”
Greater than Radical
Commitment
Page 36
Loving parents know that they must withhold things from their children,
even when it means enduring the pain of hearing them cry. Children who grow up
learning to live with the “no” they receive from their parents will come to
respect them as people who are firm in their decisions, particularly when given
in the context of loving discipline and godly correction. If the parents are
reasonable in their refusals, the children will feel secure as they grow
because they know that their parents are strong, stable, and unswerving.
Children who feel they can get what they want by crying loud enough will
eventually lose respect for their parents. That is why a firm “no” is a major
factor in nurturing a secure child.
Patience with Weaknesses
Page 43-44
A commentator from an earlier generation, A. T. Robertson, explains
that this word reminds us that even though our weaknesses can seem like a huge
burden – like a log that we struggle to
carry – the Holy Spirit comes alongside us and “take share in” our struggle and
suffering. He helps us to bear the weight of the burden we carry. This reflects
his role as our counselor and comforter. The Greek word used to describe this
is parakletos, which literally means “one who is called to someone’s aid.”
Page 45
We have elderly parents who become like children in their need for
care.
Page 48
We live in a world whose warped values see weak and unproductive people
as unimportant. It seems like a waste of time to invest time and energy in such
people. But the way a Christian views people is radically different. We know
that on the day of judgment, God will not be concern with our worldly
accomplishments. He will look at the fruit of our faith in Jesus Christ – how
we treated the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick, and the
prisoner (Matt. 25: 35-36), people whom our society regards as weak and
unproductive.
Patience with Sin
Page 52
It can be damaging to try forcing people to forgive those who have
hurt them before they are ready for it. To glibly (thoughtlessly,
superficially, or insincerely) tell deeply hurt people to forgive communicates
to them that we aren’t taking the wrong that was done to them seriously. We
must remember that God is a God of justice, and the seriousness of wrongdoing
or sinful behavior. We must remember that it was precisely because sin was so
serious that God’s own Son had to die a painful death on a Roman cross to win
our forgiveness.
Page 52
Here, then, are two great truths we must meditate on and grasp deep in
our hearts, truths that can help us to forgive people who hurt us. We begin by
believing these two truths, even if we don’t feel them. The Christian life is a
life of faith, trusting that what God says is true and that it has power to
save us and heal us. As we begin to believe that God’s love for us is
greater than the wickedness we face and that he will turn the situation
into good, we find that it is not as difficult to forgive people who hurt
us. When we struggle, we can ask God, who gives generously to those who ask
him, to increase our faith and help us to believe.
Concern in Action
Page 67
Writing to me in September 2010 about his wife’s condition, Dr. Harris
made it clear to me that he felt he was “privileged to be a full-time
caregiver.” His wife, Jennifer, saddened that he was sacrificing so much to
care for her, once told him, “I wish you could get on with your own work!” To this Harris replied to her, “Caring for
you is my work; anything else is extra.” Kindness leads to genuine joy in
relationships.
Page 70-71
The Primary Place to Show Love
is the Home
Sadly, I have often had family members of a Christian leader or a
person in a helping profession tell me something like this: “He cares for
everyone except his family. When he comes home he is too tired to think about
us.” However busy we may be helping others, our primary responsibility is
to bear at times, because it requires us to do so many things and negotiate
shifting priorities in different seasons of life and ministry.
Some people see the idea of the balanced life as an attempt to do
everything in moderation. But this is not a biblical idea. Instead, it is more
accurate to describe a balance life as obedience in every area of life.
The father catches up with his son to congratulate him. The son notices
that his father is panting (气吁吁的), and he tells him, “I am the one
who ran the race; why are you panting?” The father replies, “I needed to be
here in time for your race, so I ran.” In this case, the son is probably not
going to be angry about his father’s involvement in church. He knows that
though his father cares for others in church, he is willing to pay the price of
caring for him when necessary. I have found that fulfilling all my family
obligations along with my ministry responsibilities can be tiring. But I have
decided to take that tiredness on gladly, viewing it as the cross Christ would
have me bear as I seek to be obedient to him in all areas of life.
Is it worth showing kindness?
Page 75
There are times when I am busy with a number of projects, and I
suddenly learn that someone from Youth for Christ or our church family is ill
in the hospital. At first, I’m not inclined to visit them because I am loaded
down with work. But I know I have no choice, so I reluctantly make the trip to
the hospital. In all my years of ministry, I have never made a trip to visit
someone in need without coming back happy that I made the trip. Despite what it
does to my schedule, these unexpected opportunities to show kindness to people
affirm my identity as a human being and as a child of God. Though it wasn’t
what I felt like doing, loving someone by showing them kindness has brought
great sense of fulfillment in my life.
Page 82-83
I am reminded of the story of Dr. Morrison, who was returning to the
United States after a fruitful tour visiting many countries where he had
preached the gospel to thousands of people. President Roosevelt was also on his
ship, returning from a vacation in Africa. At the harbor in New York City there
was a grand welcome for the President and a similar grand reception when he
boarded a train. But no one had bothered to come to the harbor or the station
to greet Dr. Morrison. As he boarded his train, the old baggage master happened
to recognize him, saying “Hello, there!” in a casual sort of way.
Morrison recounts the growing bitterness in his heart: “I picked up my
heavy gropes and started off, all alone. I could not help contrasting the
homecoming of Roosevelt with my own. God had privileged me to lead ten thousand
souls to Christ on that trip – and yet there I was, without a soul to meet me!
Nobody cared. Suddenly I stopped. A new, glorious truth had gripped me. And I
found myself saying aloud, slowly, exultantly, “Maybe I’m not home yet!
Maybe I’m not home yet!”
When we are tempted to lament out lack of recognition or reward,
when the seeds of bitterness are taking root in our heart, we do well to
remember that while a life of love may sometimes look like a waste of time and
energy, it never fails to reap long-term rewards. We may not receive
acclaim or honor in this life, but his life is not the end of the journey. As
Dr. Morrison reminds us, we may not yet be home!
Envy versus showing Honor
Page 86-87
I’ll add to this warning to parents and those in leadership. You may
have had parents or mentors who motivated you to succeed by using comparison.
They always measured you and your success or failure by comparing you with
others. If this was true in your life, you are likely to do the same with you
own children and with those that you lead. You must learn to battle consciously
against this natural tendency you have to compare your children or those you
lead with other people.
When a child comes home from school and shares how he did on this
exams, his results should be compared against his own abilities and progress
measured by his own improvement, not by how well he compares to others. We
should avoid questions like, “How did your cousin John do?” When parents use
comparison with siblings to motivate their children, an inner wound can develop
that often surfaces later in life. Parents must then live with the sad
reality that their children do not live in harmony with each other. Statements
like, “Why can’t you be like your sister?” contribute to an unhealthy pattern
in children that they carry with them, long after they have grown into
adulthood.
What is the alternative? We should always look at others through the
eyes of love – of what is best for them. We rejoice when someone does well and
are sad when someone does badly. If your daughter’s marriage is unhappy, you
should be unhappy about it. But if the marriage of your sister’s daughter is a
happy one, you can truly rejoice over it. There is no need to compare the two
relationships. The sadness you feel in one case and the happiness you feel in
other are both rooted in your love for each person.
Page 87-88
Testimony of Samuel Chadwick
(Overcoming Envy with Love)
All of this is well illustrated in a story form the life of Samuel
Chadwick, the great British Methodist preacher. Before he was known as a
prominent preacher, Chadwick was invited to speak at a conference along with G.
Campbell Morgan, a man Chadwick considered to be “easily the best known
preacher in the English language.” He writes: “I thought, what an honor to be
speaking on the same program with G. Campbell Morgan! Perhaps, some folks are
taking notice of me!” The two preachers were scheduled to speak back-to-back
daily at alternate times.
On the first morning Chadwick spoke to a large crowd for the first and then Morgan followed him, speaking to a comparable crowd the second hour. The next morning, Morgan spoke to a large crowd, but when Chadwick rose to speak, many people left the room. The next morning Chadwick spoke first, to a small group, and again was followed by Morgan, who drew a much larger audience.
Chadwick was hurt by the response of the crowds. He went to his room to
be alone and he prayed, “This is not fair, Lord.” As he laid his bruised ego
before the Lord, he felt God asking him a question. “Are you sorry, Chadwick,
that we’ve got a fellow like Morgan on our team?” Chadwick thought about it for
a moment. “No,” he said to the Lord, “but it hurts!” Then he felt God asking
him again: “Are you suggesting that I quit blessing Morgan?”
Chadwick immediately realized the folly of his envious heart. “Forgive
my attitude, Lord,” he prayed. “No, I am not sorry we’ve got a fellow like this
in our team, and I don’t want you to quit blessing him.” For the rest of the
conference, Chadwick blocked out a time to pray for Morgan and for the success
of this ministry. He said, “After that, I found myself going with excitement to
hear Morgan each day, giving thanks that we had a fellow like that on our
team.”
What a liberating gift we have in the ability to bless others! By
praying for them, the very people we are prone to envy can become a source of
joy for us. Their success can become our success, as we celebrate what the Lord
is doing through them. There is no longer a concern for our own name, which
leads to unhealthy competition and envy, but we are freed to do our best for
God.
Source: Reclaiming Love: Radical Relationships in a Complex World (2012) by Ajith
Fernando
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