True Spirituality

A) True spirituality focuses on Christ’s cross not on human wisdom

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In a world that regards the message of Christ crucified as weak and foolish, it will always be tempting for Christians to look elsewhere for the power and wisdom we feel we need to impress others. Our attention can so easily shift from the message of the Bible, with its focus on the saving work of Christ through the cross, to other preoccupations. This development will often be justifies as the result of the Spirit’s leading or an increase in spiritual maturity, but in reality it is prompted by the mindset of the non-Christian world. Paul’s teaching in 1 Corinthians 1-2 makes it very clear that true spiritual power and wisdom are found in Christ and the message of the cross.

A good test, therefore, of nay movement or message that claims to be spiritual is to ask, ‘Does this point me to the crucified Christ and encourage me to grow in knowledge and love of him, to serve him and imitate him? If not, it does not come from the Holy Spirit, however impressive it may appear. We must be on our guard against any departure from a focus on Christ and the cross, whether it is caused by a deliberate decision or a gradual drift which flows from a form of spiritual amnesia健忘症.

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Truly spiritual people do not abandon or contradict the teaching of the Bible, but rather make every effort to hear and obey its message. If you want to find a Spirit-filled church, look for one which takes the Bible very seriously and gives time to hearing God speak through it. That will be a church where the sermon is central to its meeting and not a plat form for the preachers to put forward their own ideas, but rather a faithful exposition of the truth of Scripture.

B) True spirituality respects faithful leaders, not flashy ones

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The turning point was when he began to distinguish between worldly understandings of success and God’s perspective. He writes, ‘It was a banner day in our lives when we saw from the Bible that great public success in the ministry …is not necessarily success in God’s eyes. God’s call is to be faithful rather than successful. This brought Barbara and me to a profound and liberating realization. We saw how success was equally possible for those in the most difficult of situations – for example, those with small numbers and inadequate resources – as well as those having vast ministries.’ They summed up t the lesson they learnt in one simple phrase: ’Success is faithfulness.’

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Normal abilities are given by God and can be used by him, but they are far less important than obedience to Christ’s commission. It is much better to sit under the ministry of a faithful plodder with average gifts, who is diligently living and teaching the true message of the Bible, than to attend a church led by a ten-talent star who relies his own brilliance rather than on the power of God’s word. Very few pastors have exceptional abilities. Most of those God uses are ordinary people entrusted with an extraordinary gospel. Their task is simply to do their best with the personalities and gifts they have been given; God will do the rest. SO when we are next frustrated with our leader’s failings, let us resist the temptation to complain and pray instead.

Page 53-54

God commands us to respect our leaders, but we must resist any tendency to put them on pedestals and place too much focus on them. In our global society, some pastors achieve international celebrity status, speak at conferences around the world and are listened to by millions via the Internet. We can thank God for their gifts and learn from their ministry, but we must never forget that they are simply God’s servants: their role is to point beyond themselves to God via his word. Let us make sure we focus on the message and the great God of whom it speaks, not on the messenger.

C) True spirituality demands holiness not moral permissiveness

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Sometimes, sadly, love demands decisive action against unrepentant serious sin. A sinful lifestyle is incompatible with the health of the church.

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Paul urges us to ‘flee from sexual immorality’ because ‘all other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body’ (6:18). It is not entirely clear what is meant by this statement, but it does surely assume that our sexual identity is not skin-deep, like a coat of varnish over the top of the body. It rather affects our innermost personalities, and especially so when we remember that, as physical beings, we are in a relationship with Christ. It is true that other sins, such as drunkenness, affect the body, but no sin has a greater impact on the ego, the inner person, than sexual sin.

Instinctively we know that sex is not simply a bodily transaction, with no greater significance than eating or drinking; it is far more profound than that. In its God-ordained context of marriage, sex can bring great good, both through procreation and by expressing and deepening committed love. But when sex occurs in the wrong place, it can bring lasting damages physically (for example, through sexually transmitted infections), emotionally (perhaps in the sense of having been used and then rejected) and relationally (maybe because we hold back from commitment so as not to be hurt again after a previous sexual relationship that caused such pain).

We must not negotiate but rather flee. That will mean fleeing the situations which provide opportunities for temptation.

D) True spirituality affirms both marriage and singleness, but not asceticism禁欲主义

Page 87

One friend of mine said that, before he was married, he found it hard to understand why any married couple would need to be encouraged to keep in having sex. Then, having been married for a while, he realized that Paul understood the dynamics of real marriage. There are many factors that threaten to kill, or at least stifle, romance and sex within marriage: tiredness, especially when there are small children in the house or work is demanding; unaddressed hurts or grudges that have been allowed to build up; illness or depression; preoccupations with worries and concerns; or over-busyness, so that a couple hardly have any uninterrupted time alone together. Sex is a very important part of marriage, so couples should do all they can to keep sexual intimacy alive and mutually satisfying.

Page 88

I believe the word ‘gift’ in verse 7 is most naturally understood as the ability to be contentedly single or married but rather as the state of singleness or marriage. Paul is grateful to God for his single state because of the great opportunities it gives him in Christian service, and whishes everyone could enjoy the same gift, but he does not go the next step and denigrate marriage by comparison, because he knows that marriage is also a good gift of God. That means that none of us is missing out. We all begin with the gift of singleness, then some replace it with the gift of marriage, before, in some cases, receiving the gift of singleness again after the death of a spouse. Both marriage and singleness have advantages and disadvantages, but both are gifts of God. Instead of focusing on what we do not like about out situation, we should, as far as possible, thank God for what is positive.

Page 102-103

Christians hold marry only Christians

There are advantages in singleness, but as has already been pointed out, both marriage and singleness are good gifts of God, and so single people are free to choose. However, their choice is not unlimited. Paul’s instruction to widows in verse 39 applies to all Christians: we should only marry those who ‘belong to the Lord’. It surely follows that it is unwise to enter into a romantic friendship with a non-Christian, which, as it deepens, will lead either to the temptation to disobey God in marrying them or to the agony of a break-up. In my experience of pastoral ministry, I have seen more people drift backwards, or completely fall away, as a result of going out with or marrying a non-Christian than for any other cause. They have usually convinced themselves in the early stages of the friendship that they will not get very involved with the other person, but have then found that, as the attachment has grown, their resolve to resist the strength of their emotions. They may comfort themselves with the thought that they may be used as a means of converting the one they love, and in God’s grace that sometimes happens, but, sadly, on the most occasions the influence works the other way. It is important, therefore, that we take heed to Paul’s instruction: ‘He [she] must belong to the Lord’ (7:39).

E) True spirituality promotes spiritual concern, not unfettered freedom

Page 108

Theologian Jim Packer has concluded, “The inward experience of being divinely guided is not ordinary one of seeing signs or hearing voices, but rather one of being enabled to work out the best thing to do.’

Page 110-133

1) Love is more important than knowledge (1 Corinthians 8)

What is the effect on other Christians?

Those who have a good knowledge of the Bible’s teaching are especially prone to spiritual pride. Perhaps we hear a passionate preacher who clearly loves Christ and exhorts his hearers to love him too, but, instead of heeding the message, we are quick to criticize, saying to a friend, ‘I didn’t like his handling of the passage at all. He failed to put the verses in context and completely missed the main point.’ Or when we are with other Christians from different backgrounds praising God at a conference, we stay aloof in our hearts and think to ourselves, ‘How can they sing that song? It’s theologically vacuous. And I wish they wouldn’t keep talking about ‘worship’ as if it was just singing rather than the whole of our lives offered to God.’ We may have a point, but before we judge others, we should remember that God is more concerned with the love (or the lack of it) in our hearts than the knowledge in our heads.

As one preacher put it, ‘When God measures a person, he puts the tape round the heart, not the head.’

2) The gospel is more important than rights (1 Corinthians 9)

What is the effect on non-Christians?

3) Spiritual health is more important than freedom (1 Corinthians 10)

What is the effect on my spiritual life?

THE G TEST

1. What is the effect on my spiritual GROWTH?

2. Will this be for the GOOD of others?

3. Can I do this for the GLORY of God?

F) True spirituality affirms gender differences, but not social divisions

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When I preach at weddings, I sometimes encourage the new husband to write down on this honeymoon the five qualities about his wife that he most admires, and then to consider them again every anniversary. If she is continuing to grow in these areas as the years go by, that is a sign that he is loving her as he should, but, if she is not, that may be a sign that he is failing to fulfill his role.

G) True spirituality prioritizes love, not spiritual gifts

H) True spirituality focuses on a physical future, not just the spiritual present

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Christianity invented a new word for graveyards, ‘cemetery’, which derives from the Greek word for dormitory.

Page 210

My study of the New Testament at the time of my spiritual crisis as a young man assured me that, along with all who had trusted in Christ, the Holy Spirit was living in my life. That is a wonderful truth, but it is certainly not a excuse for complacency. I may have the Holy Spirit, but does the Holy Spirit have me?

True Spirituality: The challenge of 1 Corinthians for the 21st century church (2011) by Vaughan Roberts

Reclaiming Love: Radical Relationships in a Complex World (2/2)

Accepting who we are: The Antidote to Envy

Page 92-93

Zephaniah 3:17 is a personal favorite for me: “The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” Just think of what this means! The almighty God, the Lord of the universe, exults over you with loud singing. You make him happy because you are his treasured possession. When I think of this, I picture a happy father who is watching his little girl performing in a drama at her school. He is so pleased and excited by what she is doing that he spontaneously cries out in approval and praise, not caring what those around him may think: “That’s my girl!”

Children need such messages of affirmation form their family members. Sharing appreciation and praise for God’s goodness and his gifts should be as normal a part of our lives as breathing and eating.

Page 98

When I feel insecure or threatened, or find myself in a hostile environment, I find it helpful to slip away, be with God for a few minutes, recharge my batteries, and remind myself that I am a servant who serves under the authority of my Master. If I cannot slip away physically, I try to do so mentally. Even when I am in the midst of a stressful conflict situation, I try to become more conscious of God’s presence. This gives me peace and helps me not to react rashly or out or irritation.

Page 100

As important as it is to affirm the giftedness of individuals to serve God and to communicate that people are accepted in Christian community, we must never forget that these things cannot be the ultimate source of our identity and significance. Using the gifts God has given us to serve and receiving affirmation and praise from others can be helpful, but neither of these can serve as the root of our security. Seeking our identity and significance from other Christians or from our own ability to serve, preach, or minister to others will leave us disillusioned and disappointed. Inevitably, our fellow Christians will hurt us. We will have days when our ministry feels dead and our gifts seem to fail us.

But if our significance comes from God, we will stand secure on the solid rock of God’s Word, knowing that we are free to love because we are the beloved of God. Our gifts and the Christian community open us to accepting and understanding God’s affirmation. But we should not stop there. We should go through the open door afforded through gifts and community and graduate to finding our significance and identity primarily from God.

Sharing without Boasting

Page 106

We cannot overcome boasting by trying not to focus on ourselves. We overcome boasting by looking at God and how good he has been to us. We cannot root out pride by trying not to be proud; we allow our pride to be overwhelmed by God’s grace. Having being raised up to such a height in Christ, we find that we want nothing more than to lift up the name of God and serve others. We are no longer upset when we are not recognized because we know that God recognizes us. We aren’t seeking to be known by others because we understand that we are known by God.

Sensitivity to Others

Page 121-122

Another key to help us overcome the irritability that comes with pressure is spending time with God. When we are close to God, the security of his eternity rubs off on us and we develop security within ourselves, which results in a reduction of pressure. Psalm 46: 10 says, “Be still, and know that I am God. I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth!” Isaiah 26: 3-4 says, “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on you, because he trusts in you. Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting Rock.” When we spend time with God, the security that belongs to our everlasting, almighty rock comes into us as well. We slowdown from the rushed attitude that binds our lives by rooting our attitudes on eternity. That, in turn, takes away the irritability that can control our behavior.

I have heard a helpful story about a Christian woman who has been identified as Susannah Wesley in several websites, though I am not certain about that. This woman had many children (Susannah had nineteen, of whom nine died as infants). A neighbor would help her when she was very busy. The neighbor once told the woman that she was so surprised at how much at peace and close to God she seemed to be even though she had so many children. She asked her for her secret. The mother pointed to a large apron she was wearing. She said that there was a rule in the house that when mother put her apron over her head and sat on a special chair at home, she was praying and must not be disturbed. The children learned to keep the rule, and the mother went to pray whenever she felt the pressure was getting too much. Through contact with God, her nerves was relaxed by the security of being under almightiness. Prayer can be a great antidote to rudeness!

Anger: The Vice of the Virtous

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1. Carelessness: Failing to consider the consequences

To give an example: In the middle of an argument a daughter tells her mother, “Anyway, I am a burden on you, unlike my brother.” The mother responds, “What made you think that? You know that’s not true.” The girl refers to an event seven years earlier when, in the height of an argument, the mother had made that statement. She never really meant it. In fact many times the statements made by angry people do not really represent what they deeply believe. They say nasty things, ruled by their emotions or their pain at the moment, and don’t realize how devastating those words can be to the other person. People need to know that what they say has the power to cause great damage.

For many years after committing my life to Christ, despite the joy of a happy relationship with God, I found that I continued to struggle with a hot temper. Most of my anger was directed at my brothers and my mother, and I learned to regularly apologize for my outbursts. Sometimes I would try to pray at night before going to bed, and I would find that I could not come before God until I had first apologized to one of them. I remember waking my mother up from her sleep a few times just to do so! I believe that continuing to do this after my outbursts has helped me overcome this nasty habit, so that now this is not the problem it used to be.

2. Pressure & Stress: Overwork, Busyness & Change

a) First, you must admit that you are experiencing stress.

b) Second, share your burdens with a friend.

c) Third, hand over your burden to God.

About twenty years ago we had had a major crisis in our ministry, and I was at a loss to know to move forward. We struggled for many weeks, and the final resolution took a long time to achieve. This was a very stressful time for me, and I got into the habit of spending nights alone with God. I would sit in my room at night talking to him, at times reading the Bible, and at times doing nothing but sitting. Even when I would sit alone, I was conscious that I was in the presence of God. These times of prolonged sitting with God helped clam my troubled soul and enabled me to face the stress in my life without outbursts of anger or despair. It was during this time that I also learned an important principle: in a time of conflict, meet with God before you meet with people. Our actions never spring simply as a reaction to what people do and say to us. They spring primarily from the call of God to be his servants and his sending us out to face the people we encounter in our ministry.

3. Physical Weakness: Lack of sleep, sickness and poor health

I have found that irritability can be used by God to force me to reevaluate my schedule. The older I get, the more often I need to stop and cut things out from my schedule. Responsibilities have a way of accumulating, and before we realize it we are overloaded. Therefore, occasionally I try to stop and prune my schedule, sometimes cutting out some fairly serious responsibilities and commitments.

When a mother has to care for her little children, she is often physically exhausted. I advise husbands, who tend to be preoccupied by the supposedly more significant battles and stresses in their workplace, to take time to learn about the stress and the challenges their wives face and give them time to rest or to enjoy some time away from the kids. Most husbands don’t realize the extent of pressure their wives are experiencing. Young mothers need time to be refreshed and to remember that their life and  identity are not entirely defined by their responsibilities and roles as a mom. A loving husband will work to provide this for this wife by taking on some of her responsibilities or finding someone to care for the children for a while, to give his wife a break.

4. Unresolved wounds: Pain from the past

Don’t go through life with unresolved wounds!

5. A Guilty Conscious: Failing to grasp the gospel of grace

Love Focuses on the Truth, Not on Wrong

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Yes, it is painful to be betrayed. It is difficult to be deceived, and there is terrible evil in this world. But God’s love is greater than the evil we experience. He overcame evil on the cross, and after receiving this grace that flows from Calvary, we need to look at all people through the eyes of the cross. People can be transformed through the grace that flows from the cross. When we see evil we mourn, but we mourn with a longing to see those responsible transformed by the righteousness of God. And when we see goodness, we genuinely rejoice – not because we believe in the inherent goodness of people, but because we believe in the power of God to use imperfect people to accomplish real, genuine good. It all comes down to a matter of focus, of what we choose to believe. Will we look at the evil and goodness we see in this world through the lens of the gospel?

Page 152

In the first part of 1 Corinthians 13:6, Paul says, “[Love] does not rejoice at wrongdoing.” What David Hocking says about this is sadly true: “It’s easy to be glad at another person’s misfortune when it makes you look better.” Finding happiness in the problems of others is clear evidence of our own feelings of inadequacy and insecurity. We try to compensate our won weakness by focusing on the weaknesses of others. Their failures give us some satisfaction because we use that to buttress the idea that we are not as bad as they are. Looking at them, we feel better about ourselves.

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Gossip

Instead of being entertained or comforted by the sins of others, we should mourn. Love wants to see others doing the best they can by the grace of God, whereas gossip does the opposite, revealing their flaws. First Peter 4:8 says that love has the power to cover sin – not to hide it but to nullify its power an limit its effects : “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” To cover sin is to refuse to use it in public. As we have seen, there are times when we need to discipline those who have sinned and share about their sin with others in the community of faith. But there is a key difference between this type of sharing and gossip. Sharing for the intent of discipline is done out of love for the person and for the health of the group to which he or she belongs.

Love’s Perseverance

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In his letter to the Romans, Paul uses this noun form when he says that “suffering produces endurance” (Rom 5:3). In both of these passages, we see that endurance (or perseverance) is something that is learned and developed through suffering or trials. Both James 1:2-3 and Romans 5:3 tell us that we should be happy about the trials because through them we develop endurance.

The ability to endure hardship with a confident attitude, trusting in God, is one of the greatest gifts a person can have. The happiest people in the world are not those who have no problems. They are those who are not afraid of problems. So trials take on a decidedly positive tenor with this understanding that trials are the means through which we receive one of the most important qualities in a happy life – endurance.

A man came to his pastor and asked for prayer that he would be more patient at home. The pastor began to pray and kept saying, “Send my brother tribulation.” After a little of this the man patted the pastor on the back and said, “But Pastor, I did not ask for tribulation, I asked for patience.” The pastor replied, “Ah, but ‘tribulation worketh patience’”(see KJV of Rom. 5:3)

Grace-Filled: Neither Gullible轻信Nor Cynical愤世嫉俗的

Page 173

One of the biggest theological battles I have had in my life has been whether it is truly possible to believe that people can be transformed by grace. I have often wondered whether I am a naïve fool for believing that God can make some people into vibrant, stable and holy Christians. But I simply cannot give into the cynicism of our age; I cannot give up hope. Why? Because the Bible tells me that there is nothing too hard for God. His grace is greater than all our sins and weaknesses. Don’t let the environment in which you live ruin your hope. God is too great, too loving and too gracious for us to let our attitude be controlled by cynicism. Keep clinging to belief in the possibilities of grace; never give up the knowledge that faith in our powerful God will transform your prayer life an drive you to be an active agent of hope in this cynical world.

It’s worth it!

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My former colleague and good friend Adrian de Visser told me about an incident that took place when he went to the home of Dr. Joel Hunter, Senior Pastor of the Northland Church in Orlando. Dr. Hunter’s wife was bringing the main dish to the dining table when she tripped and fell. The dish crashed to the ground and its contents were splattered in all directions on the floor. Adrian wondered how Dr. Hunter would react. He ran to her and asked, “Are you hurt, honey?” When he found out that she was not, he looked at Adrian and said, “Adrian, there are plenty of places where we could go and eat anything we want, but I’m so glad that Becky is not hurt.”

Coming back to the story of our happy home, imagine that one day the elder son comes home while his mother is busy preparing dinner and is stressed out with all that has to be done. As he opens the door, he shouts, “Mummy”. Her first instinct is to shout, “What?” in a harsh tome. But decisive love wins through. She decides to still the voice of annoyance and respond kindly saying, “What is this, son?” He excitedly announces that he has been selected to the school basketball team. She reacts to this news with glee and shouts for the other children to come. When his father coms home, the son rushed up to his dad and gives him the good news. The father says, “I know, son, your mother already called me and gave me the good news.” The son is thrilled with the response of his family.

Where do you think his son will go when he has a problem in school or when he struggles with the uncertainties of his relationships with members of the opposite sex? To his mother! He knows she will listen, try to understand him, and give him kind advice. In order to get the attention of a listening ear, he does not need to go to his friends who do not follow Christian principles and would probably give him bad advice. He knows he has a listening year at home.

Source: Reclaiming Love: Radical Relationships in a Complex World (2012) by Ajith Fernando

Reclaiming Love: Radical Relationships in a Complex World (1/2)

Following the way of Love

Page 22-23

As Corrie stood there, she pondered a difficult choice. She knew, in her heart, that there was no question for not forgiving, for she understood that “the message that God forgives has a prior condition: that we forgive those who have injured us.” In fact she had just spoken the necessity of forgiveness, of the need to forgive as God has forgiven us in Christ. Corrie also knew that, after the war, “those who were able to forgive their former enemies were able also to return to the outside world and rebuild their lives, no matter what the physical scars. Those who nursed bitterness remained invalids.”

“And still,” says Corrie, “I stood there with the coldness clutching my heart.” Emotionally frozen, Corrie reasoned that “forgiveness is not an emotion.” Instead, she reminded herself that forgiveness “is an act of the will, and the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart.” She silently prayed, “Jesus help me! I can lift my hand. I can do that much. You supply the feeling…And so woodenly, mechanically, I stretched my hand to the one stretched out to me.”

Just at that time something amazing happened. “The current started in my shoulder, raced down my arm, sprang into our joined hands. And then this healing warmth seemed to flood my whole being, bringing tears to my eyes.”

Corrie cried out, “I forgive you, brother! With all my heart!”

Corrie then writes about the incident: “For a long moment we grasped each other’s hands, the former guard and the former prisoner. I have never knew God’s love so intensely as I did then.”

Can you see the three steps in the process of God’s love being activated and used in Corrie’s life? First, God’s love applied pressure on Corrie to forgive. Second, Corrie decided to obey God’s command, even though she did not feel like doing so. Third, God supplied the strength to follow through with the decision to loving obey.

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Love is an end in it self

Implied in Paul’s description of love as the “more excellent way” (12:31) is the idea that love is more than a means to an end; it is an end in itself. This is more explicit in the admonition to “pursue love” (14:1), or as the RSV renders it, “make love your aim.” Elsewhere Paul says, “The aim of our charge is love” (1 Tim 1:5). Love is one of our key goals in life even though it is difficult to measure.

Page 25-26

Testimony of McQuilkin

A few minutes before writing these words, I was mourning the fact that I had helped someone at considerable cost and he had not turned out the way I hoped. The thought came to me that I had wasted my time and energy and suffered unnecessarily. Writing the earlier paragraph ministered to me! When we love, we are achieving the basic goal in the life of a Christian. Love is not only a means to an end; it is an end in itself.

In the late 1980s, I grew to appreciate the writings of Robertson McQuilkin, president of Columbia International University. In 1990, I was surprised to learn that McQuilkin had decided to resign from his position at the school. At the time, McQuilkin was in his prime, enjoying worldwide influence as an internationally respected Christian leader. I later learned that McQuilkin had resigned in order to care full-time for his wife, who was suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. After grappling for some time with a need to care for his wife in her deteriorating condition, he had finally decided that his primary responsibility at that stage of his life was caring for her, the woman who had stood by him and cared for him for over four decades.

His decision was not an easy one. Just three years after his decision to resign from Columbia, McQuilkin’s wife could no longer even recognize him. It would have been tempting, at this point, to hire someone else to care for her and return to his work as a Christian leader. Yet until her death in 2003, for over ten years, McQuilkin chose to continue to serve his wife, providing her with the daily care she needed. Some might have considered this act of loving service a waste of his gifts. After all, McQuilkin could have hired a nurse or paid someone else to do this work. But Robertson McQuilkin understood that love is not the means to a greater end – it is itself the end to which God calls us.

Upon announcing his resignation from his position as the president of the university, McQuilkin spoke about the reason why he was leaving. He spoke of his deep and abiding love for his wife and concluded by adding, “She is such a delight to me, I don’t have to care for her, I get to.”

Greater than Radical Commitment

Page 36

Loving parents know that they must withhold things from their children, even when it means enduring the pain of hearing them cry. Children who grow up learning to live with the “no” they receive from their parents will come to respect them as people who are firm in their decisions, particularly when given in the context of loving discipline and godly correction. If the parents are reasonable in their refusals, the children will feel secure as they grow because they know that their parents are strong, stable, and unswerving. Children who feel they can get what they want by crying loud enough will eventually lose respect for their parents. That is why a firm “no” is a major factor in nurturing a secure child.

Patience with Weaknesses

Page 43-44

A commentator from an earlier generation, A. T. Robertson, explains that this word reminds us that even though our weaknesses can seem like a huge burden – like a log  that we struggle to carry – the Holy Spirit comes alongside us and “take share in” our struggle and suffering. He helps us to bear the weight of the burden we carry. This reflects his role as our counselor and comforter. The Greek word used to describe this is parakletos, which literally means “one who is called to someone’s aid.”

Page 45

We have elderly parents who become like children in their need for care.

Page 48

We live in a world whose warped values see weak and unproductive people as unimportant. It seems like a waste of time to invest time and energy in such people. But the way a Christian views people is radically different. We know that on the day of judgment, God will not be concern with our worldly accomplishments. He will look at the fruit of our faith in Jesus Christ – how we treated the hungry, the thirsty, the stranger, the naked, the sick, and the prisoner (Matt. 25: 35-36), people whom our society regards as weak and unproductive.

Patience with Sin

Page 52

It can be damaging to try forcing people to forgive those who have hurt them before they are ready for it. To glibly (thoughtlessly, superficially, or insincerely) tell deeply hurt people to forgive communicates to them that we aren’t taking the wrong that was done to them seriously. We must remember that God is a God of justice, and the seriousness of wrongdoing or sinful behavior. We must remember that it was precisely because sin was so serious that God’s own Son had to die a painful death on a Roman cross to win our forgiveness.

Page 52

Here, then, are two great truths we must meditate on and grasp deep in our hearts, truths that can help us to forgive people who hurt us. We begin by believing these two truths, even if we don’t feel them. The Christian life is a life of faith, trusting that what God says is true and that it has power to save us and heal us. As we begin to believe that God’s love for us is greater than the wickedness we face and that he will turn the situation into good, we find that it is not as difficult to forgive people who hurt us. When we struggle, we can ask God, who gives generously to those who ask him, to increase our faith and help us to believe.

Concern in Action

Page 67

Writing to me in September 2010 about his wife’s condition, Dr. Harris made it clear to me that he felt he was “privileged to be a full-time caregiver.” His wife, Jennifer, saddened that he was sacrificing so much to care for her, once told him, “I wish you could get on with your own work!”  To this Harris replied to her, “Caring for you is my work; anything else is extra.” Kindness leads to genuine joy in relationships.

Page 70-71

The Primary Place to Show Love is the Home

Sadly, I have often had family members of a Christian leader or a person in a helping profession tell me something like this: “He cares for everyone except his family. When he comes home he is too tired to think about us.” However busy we may be helping others, our primary responsibility is to bear at times, because it requires us to do so many things and negotiate shifting priorities in different seasons of life and ministry.

Some people see the idea of the balanced life as an attempt to do everything in moderation. But this is not a biblical idea. Instead, it is more accurate to describe a balance life as obedience in every area of life.

The father catches up with his son to congratulate him. The son notices that his father is panting (气吁吁的), and he tells him, “I am the one who ran the race; why are you panting?” The father replies, “I needed to be here in time for your race, so I ran.” In this case, the son is probably not going to be angry about his father’s involvement in church. He knows that though his father cares for others in church, he is willing to pay the price of caring for him when necessary. I have found that fulfilling all my family obligations along with my ministry responsibilities can be tiring. But I have decided to take that tiredness on gladly, viewing it as the cross Christ would have me bear as I seek to be obedient to him in all areas of life.

Is it worth showing kindness?

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There are times when I am busy with a number of projects, and I suddenly learn that someone from Youth for Christ or our church family is ill in the hospital. At first, I’m not inclined to visit them because I am loaded down with work. But I know I have no choice, so I reluctantly make the trip to the hospital. In all my years of ministry, I have never made a trip to visit someone in need without coming back happy that I made the trip. Despite what it does to my schedule, these unexpected opportunities to show kindness to people affirm my identity as a human being and as a child of God. Though it wasn’t what I felt like doing, loving someone by showing them kindness has brought great sense of fulfillment in my life.

Page 82-83

I am reminded of the story of Dr. Morrison, who was returning to the United States after a fruitful tour visiting many countries where he had preached the gospel to thousands of people. President Roosevelt was also on his ship, returning from a vacation in Africa. At the harbor in New York City there was a grand welcome for the President and a similar grand reception when he boarded a train. But no one had bothered to come to the harbor or the station to greet Dr. Morrison. As he boarded his train, the old baggage master happened to recognize him, saying “Hello, there!” in a casual sort of way.

Morrison recounts the growing bitterness in his heart: “I picked up my heavy gropes and started off, all alone. I could not help contrasting the homecoming of Roosevelt with my own. God had privileged me to lead ten thousand souls to Christ on that trip – and yet there I was, without a soul to meet me! Nobody cared. Suddenly I stopped. A new, glorious truth had gripped me. And I found myself saying aloud, slowly, exultantly, “Maybe I’m not home yet! Maybe I’m not home yet!”

When we are tempted to lament out lack of recognition or reward, when the seeds of bitterness are taking root in our heart, we do well to remember that while a life of love may sometimes look like a waste of time and energy, it never fails to reap long-term rewards. We may not receive acclaim or honor in this life, but his life is not the end of the journey. As Dr. Morrison reminds us, we may not yet be home!

Envy versus showing Honor

Page 86-87

I’ll add to this warning to parents and those in leadership. You may have had parents or mentors who motivated you to succeed by using comparison. They always measured you and your success or failure by comparing you with others. If this was true in your life, you are likely to do the same with you own children and with those that you lead. You must learn to battle consciously against this natural tendency you have to compare your children or those you lead with other people.

When a child comes home from school and shares how he did on this exams, his results should be compared against his own abilities and progress measured by his own improvement, not by how well he compares to others. We should avoid questions like, “How did your cousin John do?” When parents use comparison with siblings to motivate their children, an inner wound can develop that often surfaces later in life. Parents must then live with the sad reality that their children do not live in harmony with each other. Statements like, “Why can’t you be like your sister?” contribute to an unhealthy pattern in children that they carry with them, long after they have grown into adulthood.

What is the alternative? We should always look at others through the eyes of love – of what is best for them. We rejoice when someone does well and are sad when someone does badly. If your daughter’s marriage is unhappy, you should be unhappy about it. But if the marriage of your sister’s daughter is a happy one, you can truly rejoice over it. There is no need to compare the two relationships. The sadness you feel in one case and the happiness you feel in other are both rooted in your love for each person.

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Testimony of Samuel Chadwick (Overcoming Envy with Love)

All of this is well illustrated in a story form the life of Samuel Chadwick, the great British Methodist preacher. Before he was known as a prominent preacher, Chadwick was invited to speak at a conference along with G. Campbell Morgan, a man Chadwick considered to be “easily the best known preacher in the English language.” He writes: “I thought, what an honor to be speaking on the same program with G. Campbell Morgan! Perhaps, some folks are taking notice of me!” The two preachers were scheduled to speak back-to-back daily at alternate times.

On the first morning Chadwick spoke to a large crowd for the first and then Morgan followed him, speaking to a comparable crowd the second hour. The next morning, Morgan spoke to a large crowd, but when Chadwick rose to speak, many people left the room. The next morning Chadwick spoke first, to a small group, and again was followed by Morgan, who drew a much larger audience.

Chadwick was hurt by the response of the crowds. He went to his room to be alone and he prayed, “This is not fair, Lord.” As he laid his bruised ego before the Lord, he felt God asking him a question. “Are you sorry, Chadwick, that we’ve got a fellow like Morgan on our team?” Chadwick thought about it for a moment. “No,” he said to the Lord, “but it hurts!” Then he felt God asking him again: “Are you suggesting that I quit blessing Morgan?”

Chadwick immediately realized the folly of his envious heart. “Forgive my attitude, Lord,” he prayed. “No, I am not sorry we’ve got a fellow like this in our team, and I don’t want you to quit blessing him.” For the rest of the conference, Chadwick blocked out a time to pray for Morgan and for the success of this ministry. He said, “After that, I found myself going with excitement to hear Morgan each day, giving thanks that we had a fellow like that on our team.”

What a liberating gift we have in the ability to bless others! By praying for them, the very people we are prone to envy can become a source of joy for us. Their success can become our success, as we celebrate what the Lord is doing through them. There is no longer a concern for our own name, which leads to unhealthy competition and envy, but we are freed to do our best for God.

Source: Reclaiming Love: Radical Relationships in a Complex World (2012) by Ajith Fernando

One Home at a Time

The Four Pillars of Family Reformation

Pillar #1: Personal Repentance & Purity

Pillar #2: The Sacred Covenant of Marriage

Pillar #3: The Sanctity of God-Ordained Roles

Pillar #4: A Legacy of Spiritual Vitality for the Next Generation

Page 55

Martin’s answer filled the huge hall:”Unless I am instructed and convinced with evidence from the Holy Scriptures or with open, clear and distinct grounds and reasoning – and my conscience is captive to the Word of God – then I cannot and will not recant, because it is neither safe nor wise to act against conscience.” Above the roar of voices, Martin shouted, “Here I stand! I can do no other. God help me! Amen.”

Martin Luther walked briskly from the great hall. Another seed of reformation had been courageously planted.

Page 80-81

Divorce

Divorce permeates every facet of life – disrupting communities, obstructing education, and dividing families. Divorce kills a culture.

The evidence is conclusive: Divorce – because it destroys families – destroys a culture. Harvard sociologist Armand Nicholi III concluded, “Divorce is not a solution, but an exchange of problems.” In a more personal way, novelist Pat Conroy said of his own marriage breakup, “Each divorce is the death of a small civilization.”

Reclaiming the Sanctity尊严 of Marriage

Commitment #1: Do not get married unless you plan to keep you vows

Commitment #2: Fulfill your vows by staying married

Commitment #3: Fulfill your vows by praying faithfully with your spouse

Commitment #4: Fulfill your vows by caring faithfully for your spouse

Commitment #5: Fulfill your vows by maintaining emotional & moral fidelity

Commitment #6: Fulfill your vows by finishing strong

The Testimony of Dr. McQuilkin

Dr. McQuilkin was president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary (now Columbia International University) in Columbia, South Carolina, for 22 years. All those years, Muriel was his biggest fan and chief supporter. They were a dynamic ministry team: Robertson presided over the college and seminary and Muriel hosted a local Christian radio show.

But in 1984, Muriel’s health deteriorated. Tests confirmed the worst: She had Alzheimer’s disease. Over the next few years, she slowly failed, losing many of her basic skills. She couldn’t speak clearly, and she lost her ability to reason. Muriel no longer could feed herself, and Robertson had to dress and bathe her.

With Muriel’s needs escalating and his responsibilities at the college unchanged, Robertson faced a gut-wrenching decision: Should he place Muriel in an institution? After all, he had been called by God to the ministry, and now caring for this wife encroached upon his duties at the college. In a article Christianity Today, Dr McQuilkin wrote,

When the time came, the decision was firm. It took no great calculation. It was a matter of integrity. Had I not promised 42 years before, “in sickness and in health….till death do us part”?

This was no grim严峻duty to which I was stoically坚忍resigned, however. It was only fair. She had, after all, cared for me and for almost four decades with marvelous devotion; now it was my turn. And such a partner she was! If I took care of her for 40 years, I would never be out of her debt.

In 1990, Robertson resigned as the president of Columbia Bible College and Seminary so he could care for his beloved Muriel.

While telling this story to the men at the Promise Keepers rally, I recalled how I had phoned Barbara when I first read the McQuilkins’ story. After I shared it with her, there was a long silence, then with her voice breaking Barbara asked, “Dennis, will you love me like that?” Without hesitation, I responded, “Yes, sweetheart, I will.”

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The family achieves optimum success in nurturing children when a father and a mother willingly embrace clearly defined roles in the home: the father sacrificially loving, leading, and protecting; the mother sacrificially nurturing and caring.

Husband’s role as servant leader and the wife’s role as helper-nurturer.

Although in discussing this topic I feel like a soldier crossing minefield while under intense enemy fire, now is not the time to be bashful about what the Bible teaches concerning roles in marriage. Husbands need to be called out of their positivity or dictatorial headship and challenged to lead by laying down their lives for their wives and families. Wives need to be called back to being helpmates to their husbands and nurturing, affirming mothers to their children.

If you are a married male, then you have been created by God to love and lead your wife, and to provide for and to protect your family.

If you are a married female, then you have been created by God to nurture your children and to support your husband.

Husband	Wife
sacrificially loving, leading, and protecting	sacrificially nurturing and caring
servant leader	helper-nurturer
laying down their lives for their wives and families	helpmates to their husbands and nurturing, affirming mothers to their children
have been created by God to love and lead your wife, and to provide for and to protect your family	have been created by God to nurture your children and to support your husband.

A Noble Endeavor (Testimony)
When my daughter, Rebecca, was 11, the two of us were driving home one evening after gymnastics practice. Ever the inquisitive dad, I asked Rebecca what she wanted to be when she grew up. Her response didn’t surprise me; I’d heard it a number of times before.

“Dad, when I grow up,” she said with great determination, “I want to be gymnastics instructor!”

I pondered her answer for a while before saying, “Rebecca, that’s a good goal, and if God calls you to be a gymnastics instructor, nothing would make me happier. But I want you to know that if, when you grow up, God calls you to marry a young man and become a mother, your mom and I would be just a proud of you. Rebecca, you need to make your home your primary focus and commitment.”

A couple of months later I overheard Rebecca and Barbara discussing the subject of careers. Barbara asked Rebecca what she wanted to be when she grew up. I cocked my head to listen.

“Mom,” said Rebecca, “when I grow up, I think I want to be a wife and mother.”

YES!

The Biblical Role for

Men: Servant Leader Ephesians 5: 23-25 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 因 为 丈 夫 是 妻 子 的 头 ， 如 同 基 督 是 教 会 的 头 ； 他 又 是 教 会 全 体 的 救 主 。 教 会 怎 样 顺 服 基 督 ， 妻 子 也 要 怎 样 凡 事 顺 服 丈 夫 。 你 们 作 丈 夫 的 ， 要 爱 你 们 的 妻 子 ， 正 如 基 督 爱 教 会 ， 为 教 会 舍 己 。	Women: Helper-Lover Genesis 2: 20-22 So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. 那 人 便 给 一 切 牲 畜 和 空 中 飞 鸟 、 野 地 走 兽 都 起 了 名 ； 只 是 那 人 没 有 遇 见 配 偶 帮 助 他 。 耶 和 华 神 使 他 沉 睡 ， 他 就 睡 了 ； 於 是 取 下 他 的 一 条 肋 骨 ， 又 把 肉 合 起 来 。 耶 和 华 神 就 用 那 人 身 上 所 取 的 肋 骨 造 成 一 个 女 人 ， 领 他 到 那 人 跟 前 。 Ephesians 5:22-24 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything. 你 们 作 妻 子 的 ， 当 顺 服 自 己 的 丈 夫 ， 如 同 顺 服 主 。 因 为 丈 夫 是 妻 子 的 头 ， 如 同 基 督 是 教 会 的 头 ； 他 又 是 教 会 全 体 的 救 主 。 教 会 怎 样 顺 服 基 督 ， 妻 子 也 要 怎 样 凡 事 顺 服 丈 夫 。 Titus 2:4-5 Then they can urge the younger women to love their husbands and children to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind, and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the word of God. 好 指 教 少 年 妇 人 ， 爱 丈 夫 ， 爱 儿 女 ，谨 守 ， 贞 洁 ， 料 理 家 务 ， 待 人 有 恩 ， 顺 服 自 己 的 丈 夫 ， 免 得 神 的 道 理 被 毁 谤 。
Love: Self-denial, Sacrificial action, Servant’s heart	Helper for husband, submissive to husband, make mothering a priority.
Honor your wife	Reverence your husband.
Love your wife	Love him.
Show your love	Do not conceal your love from him.
Suffer for your wife, if need be	Cultivate the modesty and delicacy of your youth.
Study to keep her young	Cultivate personal attractiveness.
Help to bear her burdens	Cultivate physical attractiveness.
Make yourself helpful by thoughtfulness	Do not forget the power of incidental attentions.
Study your own character as a husband. Role model husband.	Make your home attractive.
Seek to refine you nature. Be a gentleman.	Study your husband’s character.
Level up.
Stay at home.

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A child is a person who is going to carry on what you have started…He will assume control of your cities, states, and nations. He is going to move in and take over your churches, schools, universities, and corporations…The fate of humanity is in his hands

- Abraham Lincoln - 

Page 126

I mistakenly though, early on, that God gave me Barbara and me six children so we could help them grow up. Now I believe God gave us children to help us finish the process of growing up! We have found that it’s impossible to raise our children so become godly adults and selfish at the same time.

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Radical Modeling

Children need their parents to be models of integrity – like Dan Jarrell’s father, John, was for him.  Mr Jarrell, although in his late 40s, moved his family to Oregon to take a new job. Things went well for two years, but then John’s boss asked him to falsify a civil service report so that an elderly woman could be dismissed from her job. Mr. Jarrell knew the charges against the woman were false, so he refused to prepare the bogus report. The boss tried intimidation, but still John did not compromise his integrity.

Mr Jarrell was 50 years old and had no job prospects. There were still three teenagers at home to feed, clothe, and house. But all of that didn’t matter – John knew he must do the right thing.

And so without any job in sight. Mr Jarrell did one of the hardest things he had ever done in his life: He resigned.

God blessed this man’s decision in a number of ways. A month later, Mr Jarrell was offered a more enjoyable job. But the most important outcome was the impact John Jarrell’s stand had on his son Dan, who later said to his father, “His courageous decision when the heat was on is now a part of my legacy; it has marked me for life.”

Page 174

What if newlyweds had a marriage mentor assigned to them by their church for the formative years of their marriage? I believe that hundreds of thousands of couples in our churches would volunteer a couple of hours a week to equip our sons and daughters to survive in a culture that takes not captives.

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Recently, after some days of prayer and fasting, I took Barbara’s hands and looked deeply into her eyes and told her that I wanted to do a better job of loving and pouring out my life for her. Every husband needs to regularly revisit this sacred and solemn responsibility. 

Source: One Home at a Time (1997) by Dennis Rainey