This Momentary Marriage

The most foundational thing to see from the Bible about marriage is that it is God’s doing. And the ultimate thing to see from the Bible about marriage is that it is for God’s glory. Those are the tow points I have to make. Most foundationally, marriage is the doing of God. And ultimately, marriage is the display of God.

Marriage exists to display the merciful covenant-keeping love of Christ and the faithfulness of his bride.

Headship is not a right to control or to abuse or to neglect. (Christ’s sacrifice is the patter). Rather, it is the responsibility to love like Christ in leading and protecting and providing for our wives and families.

Submission is not slavish奴隶or coerced强迫or cowering畏缩. That’s not the way Christ wants the church to respond to his leadership and protection and provision. He wants the submission of the church to be free and willing and glad and refining and strengthening.

In other words, Ephesians 5:21-33 does two things: It guards against the abuses of headship by telling husbands to love like Jesus, and it guards against the debasing of submission by telling wives to respond the way Christ calls the church to submit to him.

Lionhearted and lamblike – The Christian Husband as Head: Foundations of Headship

Headship : is the divine calling of a husband to take primary responsibility for Christlike, servant leadership, protection, and provision in the home.

Responsibility for Christlike	He dies to give an example to us. Jesus said, “if anyone would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross and follow me (Matt 16: 24). In other words, “I have taken the lead in suffering for love’s sake; now you take up your cross and follow me.” This is why leadership is not mainly a right and privilege, but a burden and a responsibility.
Servant leadership	Christ is taking the lead to save his bride, and he is doing it by suffering and dying for her.
Protection	1) Spiritual Protection (Prayers & warnings and keeping certain influence at home) - Pray for your family everyday: fight for them in prayer against devil and the world and the flesh. Set standards/value for your wife and children, take lead in reconciliation. 2) Physical Protection (from intruders or natural disasters or disease) - If there is a sound downstairs during the night and it might be a burglar, you don’t say to her, “this is an egalitarian平均主义marriage, so it’s your turn to go check it out. I went last time.”
Provision	1) Spiritual Provision (Word of God and spiritual guidance, instruction and encouragement) - See that the family prays and reads the Bible, and goes to church, and discusses spiritual and moral issues, and learns to use the means of grace and grows in knowledge and watches your example in all these things. 2) Physical Provision (Food and shelter)

Remember, headship takes primary responsibility, not sole responsibility.

So husband, your headship means: Go ahead. Take the lead. It does not matter if it is her fault. That didn’t stop Christ. Who will break the icy silence first? Who will choke out the words, “I’m sorry, I want it to be better”? Or “Can we talk? I’d like things to be better.”

Headship is not easy. It is the hardest, most humbling work in the world. Protect your family. Strive, as much as it lies within you, to make peace before the sun goes down.

The Beautiful Faith of Fearless Submission

1 Peter 3:1-6

1 Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,

2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.

3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes.

4 Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.

5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands,

6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

Submission is not:

1. Submission does not mean agreeing with everything your husband says.

2. Submission does not mean leaving your brain or your will at the wedding altar.

3. Submission does not mean avoiding every effort to change a husband.

4. Submission does not mean putting the will of the husband before the will of Christ.

5. Submission does not mean that a wife gets her personal, spiritual strength primarily through her husband.

6. Submission does not mean that a wife is to act out of fear.

Submission: is the divine calling of a wife to honor and affirm her husband’s leadership and help carry it through according to her gifts.

It is an attitude that says, “I delight for you to take the initiative in our family. I am glad when you take responsibility for things and lead with love. I don’t flourish in the relationship when you are passive and I have to make sure the family works.”

The reason that I say that submission is a disposition and an inclination to follow a husband’s lead is because there will be times in a Christian marriage when the most submissive wife, with good reason, will hesitate at a husband’s decision. It may look unwise to her. Suppose it’s Noel and I. I am about to decide something for the family that looks foolish to her. At that moment Noel could express her submission like this: “Johnny, I know you’ve thought a lot about this, and I love it when you take the initiative to plan for us and take the responsibility like this, but I really don’t have peace about this decision, and I think we need to take about it some more. Could we? Maybe tonight sometime?”

Source: This Momentary Marriage: A Parable of Permanence by John Piper (2009)