For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women

Key	Areas	Remark
1	Reassurance	It’s common for men to think that pursuing goes with dating, not with marriage. But women don’t see things that way. There is never that magic moment of closure, when they feel permanently, fully, deeply loved. They think that’s what the rest of married life is for! That’s why they need and deserve to be pursued every day.
2	Emotions	If she brings up old wounds, she may not be holding on to a grudge, but actually trying to process through it so she can resolve it, close the window and let it go. You can help by letting her – actually encouraging her – to process these things the way she probably needs to: by talking it through and having you listen.
3	Security	In fact, since what she wants is your time and attention (which creates emotional security), if you appear to give more time and attention to work, it appears that you are making work your priority. To her, that means that she is not your priority. That choice leaves her feeling distanced and unloved by you. Even if the main reason you’re busting your tail to show her your love.
4	Listening	For our wife, her negative feelings about a problem are the real issue. In other words, the feelings are what she is trying most to share and have understood, even more than the problem itself. Most men feel they have to fix areas of concern for the wife and family. But when he jumps in before I am finished, he proves he isn’t interested in listening to something that is important to me. This leaves me feeling devalued. 1. Acknowledge what her feeling is “You felt disappointed” 2. Affirm and sympathize with her feelings, even if you disagree with her thought “I am sorry you felt disappointed and it’s okay that you felt disappointed”
5	Sex
6	Beauty

For Men Only: A Straightforward Guide to the Inner Lives of Women by Shaunti & Jeff Feldhahn (2006)