Silent Meditation

Source: Bro VH, YM Planning Retreat, 27 October 2013

Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life In Christ

27

The way I thought my spiritual life should bead down the tracks began with the engine, were the drive of the train was fact – what God said in Scripture. If I felt angry, for example, I needed to start with fact: “What are you angry about, Pete? So this person lied to you and cheated you. God is on the throne. Jesus was lied to and cheated too. So stop the anger.”

After considering the fact of God’s truth, I considered my faith – the issue of my will. Did I choose to place my faith in the fact of God’s Word? Or did I follow my feelings and “fleshly” inclinations, which were not to be trusted?

As the end of the train was the caboose and what was to be trusted least – my feelings. “Under no circumstances, Pete, rely on you feelings. The heart is sinful and desperately wicked. Who can understand it? This will only lead you astray into sin.”

When taken in its entirely the practical implications of such an imbalanced, narrow, biblical belief system are, as we shall see later, enormous. It leads to devaluing and repression of the emotional aspect of our humility that is also made in the image of God. Sadly, some of our Christian beliefs and expectations today have, as Thomas Merton wrote, “merely deadened our humanity, instead of setting it free to develop richly, in all its capacities, under the influence of grace.”

35

Few Christians make the connection between love of self and love of others. Sadly, many believers that taking care of themselves is a sin, a “psychologizing” of the gospel taken from our self-centered culture. I believed that myself for years.

It is true we are called to consider others more important than ourselves (see Philippians 2:3). We are called to lay down our lives for others (see 1 John 3:16). But remember, you first need a “self” to lay down.

As Parker Palmer said, “Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simple good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch.”

37

By failing to let others be themselves before God and move at their own pace, we inevitably project onto them our own discomfort with their choice to live life differently than we do. We end up eliminating them in our minds, trying to make others like us, abandoning them altogether or falling into a “Who cares?” indifference toward them. In some ways the silence of unconcern can be more deadly than hate.

44

A person can grow emotionally healthy without Christ. In fact, I can think of a number of non-Christian people who are more loving, balanced, and civil than many church members I know (including myself!). At the same time, a person can be deeply committed to contemplative spirituality, even to the point of taking monastic vow, and remain emotionally unaware and socially maladjusted.

49

Mary and Martha represent two approaches to the Christian life. Martha is actively serving Jesus, but she is missing Jesus. She is busy in the “doing” of life. Her life, at this moment, is filled with “should” and “have tos.” Her life is fragmented, pressured, and filled with distractions. Her duties have become disconnected from her love for Jesus.

Martha’s problem goes beyond her busyness. Her life is uncentered and divided. I suspect if Martha were to sit at the feed of Jesus, she would still be distracted with everything on her mind. Her inner person is touchy, irritable, and anxious. One of the surest signs of her life being out of order is that she even tells God what to do!

Mary, on the other hand, is sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening to him. She is “being” with Jesus, enjoying intimacy with him, loving him, attentive, open, quiet, taking pleasure in his presence. She is engaged in what we will call the contemplative life.

Mary is trying to master God. Her life has one center of gravity – Jesus. I suspect that if Mary were to help with the many household chores, she would not be worried of upset. Why? Her inner person has slowed down enough to focus on Jesus and to center her life on him.

The activity life in the world for God can only properly flow from a life with God.

50

When we gain the ability to integrate activity with contemplation, we find the arrow of our lives has a beauty, a harmony, and a clarity that makes “doing” life straightforward and joyful.

The reason we need to stop and be with God is so we might create a continual and easy familiarity with God’s presence at all times – while working, playing, cooking, taking out of the garbage, driving, visiting friends, as well as during worship, prayer, and Bible study. This requires that we slow down to pay attention. Our goal is to love God with our whole being, to be consistently conscious of God through our daily life – whether it is when we are stopped like Mary, sitting at the feet of Jesus, or active like Martha, taking care of the tasks of life. We know we have found our balance when we are so deeply rooted in God that our activity is marked by the peaceful, joyful, rich quality of our contemplation.

68

The reality, however, was that my discipleship and spirituality had addressed neither my insecurities nor my understanding of myself. Breaking free would require learning to feel, learning to distinguish feeling and thinking, and finally, summoning the courage to follow my God-given “true self” rather than the voices and demands around me.

71

Take a few minutes and reflect on the implications of our God feeling. You are made in his image. Go d thinks. You think. God wills. You will. God feels. You feel. You are a human being made in God’s likeness. Part of that likeness is to feel.

At the very least, the call of discipleship includes experiencing our feelings, reflecting on our feelings, and then thoughtfully responding to our feelings under the lordship of Jesus.

72

So it was with me. I never really explored what I was feeling. I was not prepared to be honest about them with God or myself. As a result I often said one thing with my words, but my tone of voice, facial expressions, and body posture said another. The problem is that when we neglect our most intense another. The problem is that when we neglect our most intense emotions, we are false to ourselves and close off an open door through which to know God.

73

One of our greatest obstacles in knowing God is our own lack of self-knowledge. So we end up wearing a mask – before God, ourselves, and other people. And we can’t become self-aware if we cut off our humanity out of fear of our feelings.

This fear leads to unwillingness to know ourselves as we truly are and stunts our growth in Christ.

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Allow yourself to experience the full weight of your feelings. Allow them without censoring them. Then you can reflect and thoughtfully decide what to do with them. Trust God to come to you through them. This is the first step in the hard work of discipleship.

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Some of you reading this may be saying, “I don’t have anyone to walk with me in this journey.” Pray. Ask God for this person(s) during this season of your life. Let him surprise you. Often God seems to lead us to people who are very different from us and who are not pastors or leaders. Ask those you respect for suggestions. And pay attention to what the might be saying to you.

Source: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life In Christ, by Peter Scazzero