The way I thought my spiritual life should bead down the tracks began
with the engine, were the drive of the train was fact – what God said in Scripture.
If I felt angry, for example, I needed to start with fact: “What are you angry
about, Pete? So this person lied to you and cheated you. God is on the throne.
Jesus was lied to and cheated too. So stop the anger.”
After considering the fact of God’s truth, I considered my faith – the
issue of my will. Did I choose to place my faith in the fact of God’s Word? Or
did I follow my feelings and “fleshly” inclinations, which were not to be
trusted?
As the end of the train was the caboose and what was to be trusted
least – my feelings. “Under no circumstances, Pete, rely on you feelings. The
heart is sinful and desperately wicked. Who can understand it? This will only
lead you astray into sin.”
When taken in its entirely the practical implications of such an
imbalanced, narrow, biblical belief system are, as we shall see later,
enormous. It leads to devaluing and repression of the emotional aspect of our
humility that is also made in the image of God. Sadly, some of our Christian beliefs and expectations today have, as
Thomas Merton wrote, “merely deadened our humanity, instead of setting it free
to develop richly, in all its capacities, under the influence of grace.”
35
Few Christians make the connection between love of self and love of
others. Sadly, many believers that taking care of themselves is a sin, a
“psychologizing” of the gospel taken from our self-centered culture. I believed
that myself for years.
It is true we are called to consider others more important than
ourselves (see Philippians 2:3). We are called to lay down our lives for others
(see 1 John 3:16). But remember, you first need a “self” to lay down.
As Parker Palmer said, “Self-care is never a selfish act – it is simple
good stewardship of the only gift I have, the gift I was put on earth to offer
others. Anytime we can listen to true self and give it the care it requires, we
do it not only for ourselves, but for the many others whose lives we touch.”
37
By failing to let others be themselves before God and move at their own
pace, we inevitably project onto them our own discomfort with their choice to
live life differently than we do. We end up eliminating them in our minds,
trying to make others like us, abandoning them altogether or falling into a
“Who cares?” indifference toward them. In some ways the silence of unconcern
can be more deadly than hate.
44
A person can grow emotionally healthy without Christ. In fact, I can
think of a number of non-Christian people who are more loving, balanced, and
civil than many church members I know (including myself!). At the same time, a
person can be deeply committed to contemplative spirituality, even to the point
of taking monastic vow, and remain emotionally unaware and socially
maladjusted.
49
Mary and Martha represent two approaches to the Christian life. Martha
is actively serving Jesus, but she is missing Jesus. She is busy in the “doing”
of life. Her life, at this moment, is filled with “should” and “have tos.” Her
life is fragmented, pressured, and filled with distractions. Her duties have become disconnected from
her love for Jesus.
Martha’s problem goes beyond her busyness. Her life is uncentered and
divided. I suspect if Martha were to sit at the feed of Jesus, she would still
be distracted with everything on her mind. Her inner person is touchy,
irritable, and anxious. One of the
surest signs of her life being out of order is that she even tells God what to
do!
Mary, on the other hand, is sitting at the feet of Jesus, listening to
him. She is “being” with Jesus, enjoying intimacy with him, loving him,
attentive, open, quiet, taking pleasure in his presence. She is engaged in what
we will call the contemplative life.
Mary is trying to master God. Her life has one center of gravity –
Jesus. I suspect that if Mary were to help with the many household chores, she
would not be worried of upset. Why? Her inner person has slowed down enough to
focus on Jesus and to center her life on him.
The activity life in the world for God can only properly flow from a
life with God.
50
When we gain the ability to integrate activity with contemplation, we
find the arrow of our lives has a beauty, a harmony, and a clarity that makes
“doing” life straightforward and joyful.
The reason we need to stop and be with God is so we might create a
continual and easy familiarity with God’s presence at all times – while
working, playing, cooking, taking out of the garbage, driving, visiting
friends, as well as during worship, prayer, and Bible study. This requires that
we slow down to pay attention. Our goal
is to love God with our whole being, to be consistently conscious of God
through our daily life – whether it is when we are stopped like Mary, sitting
at the feet of Jesus, or active like Martha, taking care of the tasks of life.
We know we have found our balance when we are so deeply rooted in God that our
activity is marked by the peaceful, joyful, rich quality of our contemplation.
68
The reality, however, was that my discipleship and spirituality had
addressed neither my insecurities nor my understanding of myself. Breaking free
would require learning to feel, learning to distinguish feeling and thinking,
and finally, summoning the courage to follow my God-given “true self” rather
than the voices and demands around me.
71
Take a few minutes and reflect on the implications of our God feeling.
You are made in his image. Go d thinks. You think. God wills. You will. God
feels. You feel. You are a human being made in God’s likeness. Part of that
likeness is to feel.
At the very least, the call of discipleship includes experiencing our
feelings, reflecting on our feelings, and then thoughtfully responding to our
feelings under the lordship of Jesus.
72
So it was with me. I never really explored what I was feeling. I was
not prepared to be honest about them with God or myself. As a result I often
said one thing with my words, but my tone of voice, facial expressions, and
body posture said another. The problem is that when we neglect our most intense
another. The problem is that when we neglect our most intense emotions, we are
false to ourselves and close off an open door through which to know God.
73
One of our greatest obstacles in knowing God is our own lack of
self-knowledge. So we end up wearing a mask – before God, ourselves, and other
people. And we can’t become self-aware if we cut off our humanity out of fear
of our feelings.
This fear leads to unwillingness to know ourselves as we truly are and stunts
our growth in Christ.
74
Allow yourself to experience the full weight of your feelings. Allow
them without censoring them. Then you can reflect and thoughtfully decide what
to do with them. Trust God to come to you through them. This is the first step
in the hard work of discipleship.
88
Some of you reading this may be saying, “I don’t have anyone to walk
with me in this journey.” Pray. Ask God for this person(s) during this season
of your life. Let him surprise you. Often God seems to lead us to people who
are very different from us and who are not pastors or leaders. Ask those you
respect for suggestions. And pay attention to what the might be saying to you.
Source: Emotionally Healthy Spirituality: Unleash a Revolution in Your Life In
Christ, by Peter Scazzero
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